Return Of The Tinder Girl

Alrighty so after the success of my previous blog (Click here!) I decided to re-join Tinder to see what else I could find in the crevices of modern technology. Is there a Mr. Romantic on here, or is it just a place to propose "Netflix and chill"?  

Almost immediately I came across my first dick. No I don't mean another misleading profile of an arrogant man, I mean an actual PENIS as a profile picture.

Guys, while you may positively shiver when you see boobs, it doesn't quite work the same way for us. Showing us a picture of your privates isn't quite so erotic. "Oh, hey... There's a, there's that. Okie dokie then." 

I decided to change my bio, making it a little bit clearer just how quirky I am. I added "Small talk is too awkward, let's go for a walk, discuss aliens, video game lore and eat junk food!" - I also figured this would filter out the gym addicts. Assuming men actually read bios before swiping right. 

I had a mutual left swipe from someone who claimed to be a geek, but wasn't particularly chatty. His sentences were very short and he almost immediately mentioned meeting up. NO HEY. I want to know if you're a boring call of duty gamer or a true geek. 

After he mentioned meeting up I asked this guy what kind of things he is in to, expecting him to tell me what to expect should we go on a date. He replied "Game, cycle and gym haha wbu?x" - Hmm. None of those apply to a date, do they? I replied "Games, art, museums and Didney Wurll".

I am starting to notice that a lot of the time, people's locations are set wrong. It will say something like "Living in __ but studying in __". So where are you? Are you the distance it says you are or not? And other profiles say they are living abroad, so what is the point in setting your profile to living in the UK and getting matches with people over here? Long distance relationships are not very fun.  

There were bio keywords that I found were a barrier to keep reading and an automatic left swipe. These were words such as "Clubbing" (Seal or party?), "Gym", "Army" and "Kids". 

Certain profile pictures were also an immediate "Please swipe left quicker, fingers". It doesn't matter how great your torso is, I don't want to see it at this stage. 

Occasionally I'd complain "Shit, I didn't mean to do that" when I accidentally accepted someone, and think "Please don't like me back!"

I then came across the profile of someone I knew in person! I didn't know whether to swipe right and go "HAAA, I didn't know you were on here bro" or whether there would be awkwardness if he thought I right swiped because I want to date him. He's a really decent mate, so I pressed the red 'x' to dismiss. 

There was a gent with a blank bio, who looked okay and had photos outdoors. I thought they may have just created his profile and not yet filled in the information. I was disappointed when the following day I got the incredibly thrilling message "Hi"...
I fought off the urge to say "Not the most engaging of introductions!" and said "Hello." After all, why should I waste my eloquent skills on someone that won't/cant reciprocate? 

About 20 mins later "Hows u". I mini raged, because 'hows u' is a pet peeve of mine. How about a nice "Hello beautiful lady, allow me to introduce myself ___Etc___". Not to mention it says in my bio that I dislike small talk.

Holding back on the 'Pretty peeved, you seem like a massive mong' I settled on "Fine. Yourself?"
"Wut u up to tonite"
"Editing."
"Wut r you editing" 
"Gaming videos."
"I like ur pics especially the one that shows ur cleavage"

Well that escalated quickly. (This was immediately the biggest unmatch of my life!) *Slamming that button*
I also scrolled through my photos to make sure I hadn't uploaded something by accident and the only one he could have been referring to is this one:

Which I currently even have as my Facebook profile picture, I thought it was a really pretty background and nice smile! You'd have to be pretty lonely and desperate to notice front crack above those. 

Then on one random day of left swiping I come across a cute 30 year old, whose bio sounded right up my street. Geeky, archery, crafty, with a good joke about the other types of blokes on the app. So I right swiped. "It's a match!" popped up. I decided to message him right away to let him know his profile made me smile. He replied saying "Oh my God. An actual lady geek! You are such a rarity on here. I have to admit I really appreciated your bio too.The words "discuss aliens" "video games" and "junk food" are like a key combination to my heart. Also anyone who has their first picture of them getting hugged by a sea lion gains geek credits in my book." 

He was the first person to correctly notice that my picture is a sea lion as opposed to a seal! And his communication was great. I was sick of being messaged in short hand by other blokes. 

Our conversation continued through the week, discussing and recommending different games, sharing interests and hobbies, and exchanging subtle compliments.


I was beginning to get fed up with logging on and seeing 'New match - 3 hours ago' and no message from the person. Isn't that the purpose of the app, to speak to them once you match? So why not send a message when it pops up on the screen to introduce yourself? I didn't think it worth me sending them a message if they weren't my type, i.e. someone thoughtful and articulate. 

The geeky cute guy was still talking to me, eventually it got to the point where I was then wondering whether he'd ask to meet up. If I wasn't having a busy day, I would check Tinder every couple of hours just to see if he had replied. Then felt excited to see he had replied.  

However eventually the app fizzled out and although it is still on my tablet, I only check it once a month or so. I no longer speak to anyone from Tinder, except the mate I knew in person who I spotted on it. But that is definitely no more than 'bros'.

Tinder seems to be for a very specific type of people looking for a very specific type of activity. I'm not one of them. 


Missed part 1? You can read it by clicking here!
Visit my YouTube channel, I make gaming videos! (Opens new tab)

Borderline Personality Disorder

This blog post will potentially have a number of triggers for any of you that have similar conditions. Please think carefully about whether reading this will benefit you in any way. I will open up about Borderline Personality Disorder and it's traits, and some of my experiences. By doing this, I hope to reach out to others that may be in similar situations and assure them they are not alone. I was diagnosed with this condition in early 2015. To those that know me personally, I do hope you are not too shocked to discover what goes on inside this head of mine.

I get all kinds of reactions when I open up to people about my mental health condition. There's the "Why don't you just change", "It can't be that bad" and "There are people worse off than you" attitude, the "I know what you feel like"(You don't), "I'm here for you" and "That must be so hard to cope with". The most heartbreaking response was when I spoke to someone I felt I should have been able to trust, who then accused me of exaggerating, pretending, and being selfish. Instead of supporting me, they judged the way I was living my life, implying I was in a purposeless job, I was just after attention, and that I loved myself too much. 

To someone who has had strong thoughts of suicide before, this is REALLY not what I needed to hear. It's now very difficult to open up to anyone about my condition, for fear of judgement. Or for people to think I am a horrible person, when I am definitely not.

We are easily triggered. It can take a single word to start us off on a burst of emotion. The word 'Disney' can make me squeal and clap. The word 'abuse' floods me with flashbacks to a past of all kinds of things I can't go in to, and immediately makes my heart pound. Even a picture can set us off. To those people that self harm, an image or phrase that even implies it can give them the urge to do it. While I have never self harmed in the 'conventional' way, I would dig my nails in or bite my hand when things got too much. I found that being artistic helped these urges, if I'm left to do it with music on loud. However I have not yet found a healthy way to express my emotions, this is a search I am still taking. 

The part of BPD I personally find most difficult to cope with is the extreme emotions. Where a normal (I use that term loosely, because what is normal?) person will feel irritated about something, it will completely ruin our day. It will make us furious. Something insulting that a normal person will laugh off, we absorb and feel sick, stressed, unable to cope. A regular persons mood in an average day on a scale of 1 - 10 (1 being the extreme lows, wanting to end life, not feeling like they exist at all. And 10 being red mist rage, More excited than ever before, energetic to the point of not being able to sit down). will range between a 4 to a 6, Borderlines will go from a 2 to an 8, 2 to an 8. This can also be VERY sudden and unexpected, and we find it very difficult to stabilise that range. It's a common misconception that we like attention. In the same sense that someone who suffers with anxiety does not like attention for getting panic attacks, we do not burst in to tears for attention. It is embarrassing, often in the worst places and at the worst times. 

Any threats from a borderline should be taken seriously. If we really want to harm ourselves, we will. You sometimes see public announcements on social networks with something along the lines of "The world would be better without me. I'm done" - And it makes me very mad to see these judged as attention seeking. Sometimes the people that post these statuses are actually on the fence about whether to end their life, and they need something to push them towards either choice. Giving them abuse will push them towards the horrible ending, and supporting them will give them hope. It's important to support them, ask them what it is they need. If they don't know what they need then you should just keep talking to them. 

We change our mind a lot. "I want to live in the middle of nowhere away from everyone! People are horrible!" to "I need people. I am scared of being alone". We change our mind about a lot of things from what we want to eat to whether we want a relationship with someone. Acting on impulse, one small thing can change our view as we are easily persuaded.

The phrase "I hate you. Please don't leave me" may ring familiar. This is an example of how we get confused about what we want, but can't explain what it is we are feeling inside. "I really hate you, but I don't want to be without you". Over the years I've found communication a lot more difficult. I'm not a stupid person, but I can barely even spell any more. I'm great when viewing the letters and words, but if someone asks me to spell something I freeze up and can't picture the letters. I have to say the letters phonetically or it takes me a lot longer to spell. (Instead of 'ay', 'bee', 'see' - It's 'ah', 'buh', 'cuh')  

It's very restricting trying to say something but not knowing the right words to explain it. Most of us are introverts as it makes life a little bit easier. We know that being outgoing means more people, more people out there to hurt us and to not understand us. Even going outdoors can be a struggle. For me, my mind will race with negative possibilities when I picture going somewhere by myself. My mind says "If I go outside, that's a higher chance that someone will attack me than if I'm curled on the sofa". Another one when I was working and it was busy, on a bad day my mind can kick in saying "There are 10 customers down this aisle with me. That's now a 10 times chance that I will be attacked, as opposed to if I were here alone". On a bad day, these thoughts completely restrict us from going about a normal life. For me they can spark panic attacks. 

People with this condition are often animal lovers. They form attachments with animals that they struggle to form with other humans, and usually take care of their animals greatly. When someone feels insecure about themselves, it's a lot easier to care more about another living being. Animals are fantastic for mental health. 

It's quite difficult for us to get jobs. Workplaces are not allowed to discriminate with mental health or any disability at all, but it's easy for them to choose someone with confident eye contact, a nice sense of style and lots to say about themselves over someone who has closed body language, sounds insincere about their interpersonal skills, and says things that are irrelevant. I can't speak for other people, but I have publicly cried at every job I have had. It's incredibly embarrassing but it's not a choice. It just happens as we get overwhelmed so easily. It's hard enough for a healthy person to do a menial job that has a lot of pressure, let alone someone who is unstable.  

We tend to see things in black and white. You either do or you don't, you like it or you don't like it, you win or lose. There is no middle ground. There is no maybe. There is no "I'll tell you later" when you can say it now. There is no 'I will try'. We don't like to wait for things and get impatient with others. It's awful to suffer with this when we want to enjoy life but are constantly on edge, always in fight or flight and afraid of judgement. 

We can often allow us to be in situations that are dangerous. Please be aware this following paragraph could be very triggering and upsetting. People with BPD often become attached to people very easily. If someone shows us interest and we like them too, we emotionally latch on. There is a fear of abandonment there that is fed by anyone that pays attention to us. We may form relationships that are not good for us, and even when they may be treating us in an abusive way, we stay. Any attention feels like a positive thing, even if it's dangerous. It makes stable relationships difficult as we don't know how to determine whether we are being treated in a way that is appropriate or that of a normal relationship. 

Something else that can also quite hazardous is our impulsive nature. Borderlines get whatever thrill they can get from something that may be decided on impulse. This is often alcohol, drugs or casual sex. Personally, I have never ever taken drugs or smoked a cigarette, I have been teetotal for two and a half years as of typing this, and have not slept with a lot of people. I was always a third date kiss woman until I met my last partner, with whom I slept with on the first 'date'. However I am a shopper. I buy things unnecessarily, things that may be impractical but at the time are appealing. We are also pressured by sales people, and can buy things even though it may put us in a bad financial situation. The worst thing you can do to make their impulses worse, is to tell them not to do it or that they're wrong to do it. They will feel a great lack of support and probably do it even more, to get that positive feeling they crave. 

We can live in a fantasy world. Personally, I am incredibly attached to Disney. I would give anything in the world as long as I can always have my teddy: Pin (A Pinocchio doll I have had since I was 2). For as long as I can remember, I have had an attachment to cuddly toys, I associate them with comfort. As a teenager, when I was bullied at school (And elsewhere...) I would come home to my bedroom and cry to my teddies, telling them the pain I was feeling. They didn't judge, they didn't answer back, or try to tell me I am wrong or change me. 

The fact that most people don't understand us triggers a tremendous anxiety. If someone preaches for us to be a certain way, something which we cannot or don't want to do is very stressful. For example if we're invited to a wedding that's quite a drive away, being out of our comfort zone, in an unfamiliar place, or being on our own could prevent us from going. And when the person does not understand our reasons or implies we can't be bothered or don't rank them of enough importance to go, it's very upsetting. 

Along a similar wavelength of being easily triggered, we are easily offended and irritated. Our minds seem to interpret things in the most negative way, and the most innocent of conversations can be taken as a personal insult. Something as simple as being the only one whose comment does not have a like on Facebook can trigger us and make us feel unwanted, worthless and hated. We are irked by the most trivial of things, people eating noisily, groups of kids on the street, the shop not having our product in stock, the rustling of newspapers. Grr! Small things annoy us much more than is healthy. 

It isn't all negative. I've mentioned our caring nature regarding animals, we are also very creative people. We have a vast imagination and we may not even realise it sometimes. We make very good artists, writers, philosophers. I struggle to speak in person when triggered, yet I confidently sit here to type this blog. I care greatly about people and animals in need, and the earth. I'm spiritual and feel even more of a connection to the actual planet than most of the humans on it.

Being in a relationship with a borderline is a rollercoaster. You have to be prepared for the mood swings, you need to be patient and compassionate. You need to make the first move, because we are too scared of abandonment and rejection. Getting angry at a Borderline will result in them being 10x the anger. If we're being irrational about something, you have to let us realise this ourselves as opposed to telling us we are wrong. Allow us to calm down, set a good example by having good body language and speaking respectfully. Our moods are very easily influenced by other people. 

However, while we have bursts of emotion, we are capable of loving more intensely than any regular person. We are generally an open book, incredibly caring, and very thoughtful. We give the best cuddles and have strong morals. 

While I have attempted to describe BPD and what goes on in our minds, I can only speak from personal experience. Every human being is different. Our personalities and experiences are different, our triggers are different, and out behavioural patterns. I found this blog very difficult to write. I only hope I could offer some insight and help one or two people. 

People That Take Ages to Reply

As someone that suffers with anxiety generally, phones are a nightmare. The build up to making an important phone call, the pacing back and forth to gain the courage to speak to someone, and worst of all waiting for text responses on days where you are not busy enough to keep distracted. 

I don't have an iPhone, I have a Windows phone. So I do not have the ellipses bubble pop up to let me know they are typing a response. You think it's bad when you see that bubble and are waiting for their reply? Try using a phone that doesn't alert you if they've even seen your text. No way of knowing whether they've seen your message, if they're busy, ignoring you, dead, or their phone is broken. 

The process goes a little like this:

After sending an important or risky text and not getting a reply in minutes, you know your mind is going to start playing tricks on you. 

You put your phone face down in the hope that It will prevent you from checking it. When in fact it makes you pick it up more to see if you just missed a text. 

You start to hear things that sound like your text notification sound, only to see nothing.

You wonder whether your text actually went through at all, and triple check that it says the date and time under your message. 

You consider sending another to say "Just a quick text to make sure you got my first one?" which in some situations is dodgy. If you're checking on your teenager, this is okay. But if it's a text to someone you're recently dating, no! 

You start to feel like a psycho and realise that they just might be busy, or have had no signal. 

But then get annoyed when remembering all the other platforms they could contact you on, or worse: You see them online in Facebook chat!

Yes!!! You heard that, that was definitely a text! *Opens it to reveal someone other than the person you're waiting for a reply from*

You try to distract yourself with other things, which if you're alone on a Sunday is difficult to do! But even if you leave your phone in another room and put it on silent you find yourself still going to check on it.

Ughh! Still nothing. *Slamming it back down*

*Walks out of the room saying "Well f*** you then. I have better things to do than wait for you."*  ...  *Only to walk back in to check again 10 minutes later* 

Yes! They've finally replied! That wasn't so bad. I'll just type my quick response back now. 

*Types quick yet reply-able response*...

...

You think 'Okay what the hell? I just replied 23 seconds after I got your text and now 3 hours later no reply again?' 

You decide to make it a bit clearer that you're expecting a reply by texting "Hey there! Just wanted to double check you are on for Saturday evening. Do you still need a lift? Let me know if you want me to bring that book I told you about"

No reply that day but alas! Late the following morning you hear the satisfying ping of your text notification. 

You see their name and excitedly open their text to reveal...

"Ok"

*Hurls phone out the window* Arghhh! 

Confessions of a Tinder Girl

I joined Tinder in late May 2015 not for a quick fling, not because I was searching for Mr. Right, but because I was just so curious as to what type of people were using it. Is it the new way of dating? In the age of fast food, coffees to go and instant messaging, was this app the key to successful modern relationships? 

There is a personal profile section where you type a short bio and select up to 6 images. For my main picture I decided on the zoo visit with a sea lion hugging me. I felt it portrayed my child like personality well, after all I wasn't going to post sexy pics. I didn't want to give off the wrong impression. I then posted a few different shots, a collage of me feeding animals, a close up with my sunflower earrings, and one with my hair in a different style.

As I got started on the function of the app I soon came to the realisation that most of the people on here were looking for something very specific. I lost count of my left swipes of topless gym selfies, and bios which read "tattoed", "6ft3" and "I love a drink". It made me wonder whether most of the ladies' bio on here reads their bra size and weight.

There was also the odd image that was definitely a wedding portrait, and I occasionally found myself squinting trying to work out if the lady getting a piggy back was a sibling or girlfriend. 

There was also the odd person definitely female, who must have accidentally set her Facebook profile to state male. I wonder at what point she realises why she isn't getting matches. Some people's pictures consisted entirely of their children, making me ponder if they downloaded the wrong category of app. 

Some people didn't have an image or bio at all. Just the plain Facebook silhouette. 

*Continues to left swipe*

Occasionally someone would catch my attention. Usually when the main photo is a pleasant friendly looking non-arrogant photo of them smiling. (There are so many moody looking close ups on Tinder...) People with main images that would automatically be skipped without any bio reading: Topless, group photos, gym selfies, smoking, grumpy pouting, covered in tattoos, a beer in each hand, a motorbike, and anyone who looked like they are lying about their age. Maybe I'm picky, or maybe the Tinder pond with available fish was full of anchovies.  

One particular person had a main profile picture with an elephant in the background. I clicked to read his bio and he seemed nice enough. I swiped right to be greeted with "It's a Match!" meaning he had already right swiped me. I wasn't sure of the etiquette when it comes to who messages first, and whether it is acceptable to message right after a match.

Within about 20 minutes he had messaged me. A general greeting consisting of the usual "Hey, how are you?", "Do you have any good plans?" small talk. After chatting for a few days it became much less formal, talking about what we were watching on Netflix. I managed to convince him to give Once Upon A Time a chance. 

One morning I opened up Tinder to see a 'Moment' posted from him, which is like an image status update. Moments stay posted for 24 hours and people have the option to like the picture. His picture consisted of simple bold black text reading "Where are all the submissive girls looking for a dominant man?!" 

I unmatched him and immediately went to edit my personal profile to include "I'm looking for friends".

I had about 10 matches, and I was mid conversation with three of them. One other was online at least every hour yet had not responded to my greeting, which to me said he must have had a lot of matches. I pressed the 'unmatch' button. I also unmatched two who hadn't been online in three weeks. Maybe they had found love! 

It was unwritten etiquette that the person to match last would be the first person to message, so I grew frustrated with new matches that didn't speak at all. Do you seriously have so many matches that you can't speak to them? Maybe you should raise your standards if you're right swiping so many people. 

Shortly after the dominant man, I came across a good looking profile. Tall, dark and handsome, properly filled out paragraph, and someone that bothered to message first after the match. I felt more enthusiastic to chat when the man messaged first. 

Small talk progressing, our conversations were ongoing over the coming days. We spoke about our favourite products from lush, our interests and plans. When I said where I am from, he said "That's a bit of a drive...". We were about a half hour drive from each other, which I didn't think was far at all. My best friend is about that far and we see each other regularly. I found this a tad odd too, as it shows the distance before you swipe to match. 
Continuing my 'research', I came across a profile whose image was of a white van. It made me think his phone accidentally unlocked in his pocket and downloaded Tinder. I was tempted to right swipe to ask, but I'm sure there could also be many more reasons for the white van, some I wouldn't want to find out about. 

I have to admit, there were a couple of occasions where I have swiped left only to then exclaim "No! I meant right!!" and lost a handsome outdoorsy animal and Netflix lover. 

The 'handsome man' was still chatting to me, and would often make effort to message and update me on what he was doing, what was going on with work, and asking how I am if we hadn't spoken in a while. He went on a trip abroad with his family, but still kept in touch. 

A couple of weeks of chatting to him he was back from his trip, and I got a message asking how I am. I said 'All good here, how are you?' And he replied "I'm deleting this but here is my number - ###" I wondered why he wanted to keep in touch, when he'd mentioned the distance being a problem. 

I saved his number and text him to let him know mine. He asked what I was up to and there was a bit of small talk before the following message:

"I know you said you aren't looking for love but I wanted to say that this will probably remain platonic, is that ok?"

I remembered previously telling him (As well as it being in my personal bio) that I was looking for friends, so this wasn't a problem to me. What WAS a problem was when I remembered that he mentioned the distance being an issue. After all what kind of rubbish friendship exists only through text? I replied "Of course! Is that why you deleted the app, you got lucky? xD"

He responded saying "Kinda, I'm gonna see how it plays out". 

I then realised, maybe I was the back up lady that he'd go for if this one didn't work out for him! I initially found it peculiar that he wanted to keep in touch through mobile, even though he said it's a bit far...

So said "I was disappointed when you said Stockton was 'a bit of a drive'" as I had seen a potential friendship and wanted to confirm that he still wanted to proceed in this 'platonic' way. His reply was even more disappointing "Well it is!" 

I should note here that on Tinder, you have to set what distance radius you want to search, so he had set that himself. I decided not to contact him again. 


Tinder started to die out for me as I soon found it very boring. People on here didn't seem to be the conversational type, I was very rarely impressed with anyone's paragraph of information and I was just endlessly left swiping. I have arrived at the conclusion that it is more a social network for quick hook ups, as opposed to an app to create meaningful conversations or friendships. I deleted the app in early July.  
*Sips Tea* 

How To Get Over A Break Up

I've experienced heartbreak a number of times, ranging from miserable hindrance to utterly soul crushing. Along the way I have picked up a few tips that I have found to be helpful. I'll share them with you in this blog post, in the hope that I can help you get through this difficult time. 

Accept that it will hurt

There are different stages of break up, and the level of pain, time length of recovery, and emotions felt will be different for everyone. The following 5 steps are the standard process for grieving. 

1 - Denial

We may go through this one DURING the relationship. We may feel there's something seriously wrong, but feel too scared to end things as heartbreak is a tough emotion. Alternatively if we've been dumped out of the blue, we can spend some time thinking "This has to be a prank. Everything was going great! I didn't do anything wrong. They love me!".

2 - Anger

You might want to call them every name under the sun. Tell everyone how horrible they were. This is usually as we are simply desperate for their attention. We want some kind of interaction with them, even if it's an argument. You are most likely feeling angry at them for wasting your time. 

3 - Bargaining

This is the stage in which you may reason with them, ask them what needs to change in order for you to be with them. You beg for attention, start to blame yourself. Do whatever it takes so that you don't have to go through these feelings any more.  

4 - Depression

This is a very difficult stage, as you have to fight the natural urge to shut yourself away in your room and weep. You want everyone to feel sorry for you and comfort you, yet you know none of it will work. You just need to stretch through it, get out there. Get some sunlight and see people that make you feel happy. 

 5 - Acceptance

This is where you begin to stop doubting things and yourself. You realise it isn't the end of the world, and that you're okay. You will be okay. That every cloud has a silver lining. You also start to really appreciate the other people around you that are helping you, that you may not have noticed before (We can often feel completely isolated no matter how many friends we are surrounded by)

Tips That May Help You

Cry. Or not.

It's okay to cry. You're a human being, you have emotions. Decide to curl up for 5 minutes and let it all out, then splash your face and go for a walk or out with friends, and decide not to cry again. Avoid staying indoors daily for weeks on end, as your thoughts will run away with you. You'll escape the positive side of reality, and it will hinder your recovery.

No Contact

This is so. So. So. SO important. You must resist the urge to not text them, email them, or stand outside their house with a boombox. Block them from social media. Delete their number and email. Nothing good has ever come from begging or stalking an ex, and opening communication lines with them just makes things more difficult for you. Just sending them a quick text telling them you still love them can be a big set back in your recovery, not to mention it chips away at your dignity. You'll be forever checking your phone waiting for a reply. If you find yourself reaching for the phone, put it down and immediately occupy your mind with something else. You may need to contact them if you have children together, are in the process of moving out, or work together. But keep it as minimal as possible and keep chat relevant to those topics. 

Write a List

Of all the things you do NOT like about them. Did they pick their nose publicly? Were they arrogant? Maybe they had no ambition. Kept you up at night with their snoring. Write a list of all the reasons you would NOT like to be with them and refer to it when you are starting to miss them. No 'buts,' I.E. "He was selfish but so was I" or "He didn't treat me right but maybe he was just depressed". Don't show anyone your list, simply keep it for your own personal healing. Refer to this list when you find yourself missing them. When you've reached stage 5 (Or sooner if you like), you can tear it up.

Adopt a New Mindset

See it as a new chapter of your life, a new beginning. This is a positive thing. There are more things that are available for you to do now, compared to the few things that you are not able to do (Temporarily). Accept that this person has been a part of your past, but there will be a new, more suitable person in your future. 

Learn from It

Try to take some values from it. Learn what kind of person you are, and what kind of things you want in a potential partner for the future. When you are recovered, you will have a better idea of what exactly you want with regards to a future relationship. You know what you like and what you can't compromise on.  

Read Break up Books and Articles

I found it particularly helpful to read other blog posts and books on the topic, to keep my mind on the fact that all is not lost. My favourite book of all time is "Getting Over Mr. Right" by Chrissy Manby. It is fiction, but tells the tale of a girl who goes through a devastating break up and does everything she can to get him back. In the end she comes to her senses. I also recommend "It's called a breakup because it's broken" which offers humorous analogies that get you thinking. 

"But there's nobody else like them!"

That's a good thing. You don't WANT someone like them as it simply won't work. You just haven't met the person that will treat you the way you want to be treated. This doesn't mean you will never get those feelings you had with them, it's very easy to have those lovely feelings with someone else, someone far more compatible. You will find somebody better, and regain your independence too.

Rebound

Some of us feel so desperate for companionship, and are so scared of being alone, we will take whatever we can get. A rebound is never a good idea, as jumping into a relationship too soon means you're not giving yourself enough time to re-nourish your soul, regain your independence, and be happy with who you are. It also leaves you more vulnerable. And one night stands can leave you feeling even more rejected and worse about yourself. This also applies to the feelings of wanting to call a different ex, which is how we can feel during those desperate times. To want someone to listen.

Feng Shui

Moving around furniture can help the soul. It will make you feel refreshed. Re-arrange your bedroom or living room, or paint your house as a hint to your subconscious that you want to change and feel better.

Don't Do Anything Drastic

It may be tempting to try to numb those horrible painful emotions by doing something drastic. Getting a tattoo, an extreme haircut, or to move away. You need to work through these feelings before you make any big decisions, as we tend to use these changes while we are in denial to mask that pain. We also tend to change our physical appearance to make the other person realise what they have lost. It's important to have self esteem, but remember you aren't trying to win them back. It ended because you aren't compatible. 

Don't Put Yourself Down

If you've only just started the stages, this list may have little affect on you because you're still in shock. You may be reading it while your mind shouts at you "You can't get on with your life, you need them!" Shut them up by concentrating on a hobby, or verbally SAYING "shut up" to it. Try some verbal affirmations: It can help to look in a mirror with a smile and repeat out loud "I am beautiful/handsome, smart, independent and successful". Also try "I WILL get through this", "I have confidence in myself" and "I am going to be okay".

Positivity

This is one of the most difficult parts. It's tough to be positive when you're insides are screaming "I'm dying!". It's hard to smile with friends when we just want to cry and keep telling them how much this person hurt us. By keeping positive and saying good things - whether it be about yourself or something irrelevant - It will benefit your progression through the stages. It also makes us feel good when we compliment others. Tell your best friend how good her hair looks. Tell your mum the dinner she made was great and you appreciate her for it. You will bounce off other people's happiness and feel better about yourself.

Use Support Networks

Keep your family and friends close. Sometimes in relationships we drift from some friendships, but the true friends will be there for you. If you have a local mental health team, you can also visit your doctor to refer you to them for extra help if you feel depressed. If you are feeling suicidal, you can call an ambulance on 999 if in the UK. Here is a list of suicide hotlines, which I urge you to get in contact with if you are feeling very low about your break up.   

Fall in Love with Something Else 

Rekindle your love with something else. Your passion for animals, music, art etc. Sing your heart out to your favourite songs. Spend some time with a pet or volunteer at a rescue centre. Take a solo trip to an art gallery to really get lost in some art work. 

If you need somebody to be there for you but don't know where to go, feel free to leave a comment in this blog. I know how trapping and painful these emotions are. Here's to your recovery. 

Forgettable Yet Heartbreaking Disney Moments

Everybody remembers Mufasa's death, Bambi's mum and Baloo. But what about those neglected Disney gems, which are also full of emotion? Here I list (In no order) some of my most heartbreaking moments in the more forgotten Disney films. (I'd like to say, I'm really sorry in advance for any tears!)

Girl Squirrel Heartbroken
Sword in the Stone

I have SO much love for her. I won't give you the pain of her crying, so here is her smiling. When I first saw this film I sobbed like a baby. I was praying throughout the rest of the movie that she would have a happy ending, maybe she would be turned in to a human, maybe it would have turned out that she WAS a girl that mim turned in to a squirrel. But no, even her fate on Disney's wiki is 

"Heartbrokenly watches Merlin and Wart return to the castle, in tears" 


Hen Wen captured 
The Black Cauldron


Isn't that just the cutest name ever? She's so cute and lovely just leave her alone. Stop now, Horned King. I find this scene a bit uncomfortable to watch.



Roquefort
The Aristocats

He breaks my heart by doing nothing. Voiced by Jim Cummings (A Disney LEGEND) he is just so cute. He's a mouse, and yet he cares so much about Duchess and the kittens. So much that he goes out in the cold to look for them, and even approaches alley cats.





Nobody wants Oliver
Oliver and Company

I'll take you! Please come home with me Oliver! This moment will destroy cat lovers. And non cat lovers. There is something wrong with you if you feel nothing.  


Q*bert homeless
Wreck-it Ralph

When I saw this film, I actually felt like this scene ruined it for me. It happens early on and it's all I could think about throughout the rest. I actually just burst even getting this image. Hopefully the more I look at it the less It will affect me? Nope, more tissues please *Sob* 



Segregation of Quasimodo  
Hunchback of Notre Dame

What bothers me most about this is just how real it is. People on Earth are just as shallow, quick to judge others based on what they look like. It also broke my heart a little bit that he didn't get to marry Esmerelda.   



Tax man takes Skippy's Birthday coin
Robin Hood
Seriously??

I'm a wreck right now, are you? If I haven't affected you too much, pop over and have a looking at my other Disney blogs. And give your Dumbo teddy a big cuddle from me.  

10 Saddest Disney Moments

Top 10 Disney Villain Songs

Top 10 Disney Songs