I joined Tinder in late May 2015 not for a quick fling, not because I was searching for Mr. Right, but because I was just so curious as to what type of people were using it. Is it the new way of dating? In the age of fast food, coffees to go and instant messaging, was this app the key to successful modern relationships?
There is a personal profile section where you type a short bio and select up to 6 images. For my main picture I decided on the zoo visit with a sea lion hugging me. I felt it portrayed my child like personality well, after all I wasn't going to post sexy pics. I didn't want to give off the wrong impression. I then posted a few different shots, a collage of me feeding animals, a close up with my sunflower earrings, and one with my hair in a different style.
As I got started on the function of the app I soon came to the realisation that most of the people on here were looking for something very specific. I lost count of my left swipes of topless gym selfies, and bios which read "tattoed", "6ft3" and "I love a drink". It made me wonder whether most of the ladies' bio on here reads their bra size and weight.
There was also the odd image that was definitely a wedding portrait, and I occasionally found myself squinting trying to work out if the lady getting a piggy back was a sibling or girlfriend.
There was also the odd person definitely female, who must have accidentally set her Facebook profile to state male. I wonder at what point she realises why she isn't getting matches. Some people's pictures consisted entirely of their children, making me ponder if they downloaded the wrong category of app.
Some people didn't have an image or bio at all. Just the plain Facebook silhouette.
*Continues to left swipe*
Occasionally someone would catch my attention. Usually when the main photo is a pleasant friendly looking non-arrogant photo of them smiling. (There are so many moody looking close ups on Tinder...) People with main images that would automatically be skipped without any bio reading: Topless, group photos, gym selfies, smoking, grumpy pouting, covered in tattoos, a beer in each hand, a motorbike, and anyone who looked like they are lying about their age. Maybe I'm picky, or maybe the Tinder pond with available fish was full of anchovies.
One particular person had a main profile picture with an elephant in the background. I clicked to read his bio and he seemed nice enough. I swiped right to be greeted with "It's a Match!" meaning he had already right swiped me. I wasn't sure of the etiquette when it comes to who messages first, and whether it is acceptable to message right after a match.
Within about 20 minutes he had messaged me. A general greeting consisting of the usual "Hey, how are you?", "Do you have any good plans?" small talk. After chatting for a few days it became much less formal, talking about what we were watching on Netflix. I managed to convince him to give Once Upon A Time a chance.
One morning I opened up Tinder to see a 'Moment' posted from him, which is like an image status update. Moments stay posted for 24 hours and people have the option to like the picture. His picture consisted of simple bold black text reading "Where are all the submissive girls looking for a dominant man?!"
I unmatched him and immediately went to edit my personal profile to include "I'm looking for friends".
I had about 10 matches, and I was mid conversation with three of them. One other was online at least every hour yet had not responded to my greeting, which to me said he must have had a lot of matches. I pressed the 'unmatch' button. I also unmatched two who hadn't been online in three weeks. Maybe they had found love!
It was unwritten etiquette that the person to match last would be the first person to message, so I grew frustrated with new matches that didn't speak at all. Do you seriously have so many matches that you can't speak to them? Maybe you should raise your standards if you're right swiping so many people.
Shortly after the dominant man, I came across a good looking profile. Tall, dark and handsome, properly filled out paragraph, and someone that bothered to message first after the match. I felt more enthusiastic to chat when the man messaged first.
Small talk progressing, our conversations were ongoing over the coming days. We spoke about our favourite products from lush, our interests and plans. When I said where I am from, he said "That's a bit of a drive...". We were about a half hour drive from each other, which I didn't think was far at all. My best friend is about that far and we see each other regularly. I found this a tad odd too, as it shows the distance before you swipe to match.
Continuing my 'research', I came across a profile whose image was of a white van. It made me think his phone accidentally unlocked in his pocket and downloaded Tinder. I was tempted to right swipe to ask, but I'm sure there could also be many more reasons for the white van, some I wouldn't want to find out about.
I have to admit, there were a couple of occasions where I have swiped left only to then exclaim "No! I meant right!!" and lost a handsome outdoorsy animal and Netflix lover.
The 'handsome man' was still chatting to me, and would often make effort to message and update me on what he was doing, what was going on with work, and asking how I am if we hadn't spoken in a while. He went on a trip abroad with his family, but still kept in touch.
A couple of weeks of chatting to him he was back from his trip, and I got a message asking how I am. I said 'All good here, how are you?' And he replied "I'm deleting this but here is my number - ###" I wondered why he wanted to keep in touch, when he'd mentioned the distance being a problem.
I saved his number and text him to let him know mine. He asked what I was up to and there was a bit of small talk before the following message:
"I know you said you aren't looking for love but I wanted to say that this will probably remain platonic, is that ok?"
I remembered previously telling him (As well as it being in my personal bio) that I was looking for friends, so this wasn't a problem to me. What WAS a problem was when I remembered that he mentioned the distance being an issue. After all what kind of rubbish friendship exists only through text? I replied "Of course! Is that why you deleted the app, you got lucky? xD"
He responded saying "Kinda, I'm gonna see how it plays out".
I then realised, maybe I was the back up lady that he'd go for if this one didn't work out for him! I initially found it peculiar that he wanted to keep in touch through mobile, even though he said it's a bit far...
So said "I was disappointed when you said Stockton was 'a bit of a drive'" as I had seen a potential friendship and wanted to confirm that he still wanted to proceed in this 'platonic' way. His reply was even more disappointing "Well it is!"
I should note here that on Tinder, you have to set what distance radius you want to search, so he had set that himself. I decided not to contact him again.
Tinder started to die out for me as I soon found it very boring. People on here didn't seem to be the conversational type, I was very rarely impressed with anyone's paragraph of information and I was just endlessly left swiping. I have arrived at the conclusion that it is more a social network for quick hook ups, as opposed to an app to create meaningful conversations or friendships. I deleted the app in early July.
*Sips Tea*
