How To Get Over A Break Up

I've experienced heartbreak a number of times, ranging from miserable hindrance to utterly soul crushing. Along the way I have picked up a few tips that I have found to be helpful. I'll share them with you in this blog post, in the hope that I can help you get through this difficult time. 

Accept that it will hurt

There are different stages of break up, and the level of pain, time length of recovery, and emotions felt will be different for everyone. The following 5 steps are the standard process for grieving. 

1 - Denial

We may go through this one DURING the relationship. We may feel there's something seriously wrong, but feel too scared to end things as heartbreak is a tough emotion. Alternatively if we've been dumped out of the blue, we can spend some time thinking "This has to be a prank. Everything was going great! I didn't do anything wrong. They love me!".

2 - Anger

You might want to call them every name under the sun. Tell everyone how horrible they were. This is usually as we are simply desperate for their attention. We want some kind of interaction with them, even if it's an argument. You are most likely feeling angry at them for wasting your time. 

3 - Bargaining

This is the stage in which you may reason with them, ask them what needs to change in order for you to be with them. You beg for attention, start to blame yourself. Do whatever it takes so that you don't have to go through these feelings any more.  

4 - Depression

This is a very difficult stage, as you have to fight the natural urge to shut yourself away in your room and weep. You want everyone to feel sorry for you and comfort you, yet you know none of it will work. You just need to stretch through it, get out there. Get some sunlight and see people that make you feel happy. 

 5 - Acceptance

This is where you begin to stop doubting things and yourself. You realise it isn't the end of the world, and that you're okay. You will be okay. That every cloud has a silver lining. You also start to really appreciate the other people around you that are helping you, that you may not have noticed before (We can often feel completely isolated no matter how many friends we are surrounded by)

Tips That May Help You

Cry. Or not.

It's okay to cry. You're a human being, you have emotions. Decide to curl up for 5 minutes and let it all out, then splash your face and go for a walk or out with friends, and decide not to cry again. Avoid staying indoors daily for weeks on end, as your thoughts will run away with you. You'll escape the positive side of reality, and it will hinder your recovery.

No Contact

This is so. So. So. SO important. You must resist the urge to not text them, email them, or stand outside their house with a boombox. Block them from social media. Delete their number and email. Nothing good has ever come from begging or stalking an ex, and opening communication lines with them just makes things more difficult for you. Just sending them a quick text telling them you still love them can be a big set back in your recovery, not to mention it chips away at your dignity. You'll be forever checking your phone waiting for a reply. If you find yourself reaching for the phone, put it down and immediately occupy your mind with something else. You may need to contact them if you have children together, are in the process of moving out, or work together. But keep it as minimal as possible and keep chat relevant to those topics. 

Write a List

Of all the things you do NOT like about them. Did they pick their nose publicly? Were they arrogant? Maybe they had no ambition. Kept you up at night with their snoring. Write a list of all the reasons you would NOT like to be with them and refer to it when you are starting to miss them. No 'buts,' I.E. "He was selfish but so was I" or "He didn't treat me right but maybe he was just depressed". Don't show anyone your list, simply keep it for your own personal healing. Refer to this list when you find yourself missing them. When you've reached stage 5 (Or sooner if you like), you can tear it up.

Adopt a New Mindset

See it as a new chapter of your life, a new beginning. This is a positive thing. There are more things that are available for you to do now, compared to the few things that you are not able to do (Temporarily). Accept that this person has been a part of your past, but there will be a new, more suitable person in your future. 

Learn from It

Try to take some values from it. Learn what kind of person you are, and what kind of things you want in a potential partner for the future. When you are recovered, you will have a better idea of what exactly you want with regards to a future relationship. You know what you like and what you can't compromise on.  

Read Break up Books and Articles

I found it particularly helpful to read other blog posts and books on the topic, to keep my mind on the fact that all is not lost. My favourite book of all time is "Getting Over Mr. Right" by Chrissy Manby. It is fiction, but tells the tale of a girl who goes through a devastating break up and does everything she can to get him back. In the end she comes to her senses. I also recommend "It's called a breakup because it's broken" which offers humorous analogies that get you thinking. 

"But there's nobody else like them!"

That's a good thing. You don't WANT someone like them as it simply won't work. You just haven't met the person that will treat you the way you want to be treated. This doesn't mean you will never get those feelings you had with them, it's very easy to have those lovely feelings with someone else, someone far more compatible. You will find somebody better, and regain your independence too.

Rebound

Some of us feel so desperate for companionship, and are so scared of being alone, we will take whatever we can get. A rebound is never a good idea, as jumping into a relationship too soon means you're not giving yourself enough time to re-nourish your soul, regain your independence, and be happy with who you are. It also leaves you more vulnerable. And one night stands can leave you feeling even more rejected and worse about yourself. This also applies to the feelings of wanting to call a different ex, which is how we can feel during those desperate times. To want someone to listen.

Feng Shui

Moving around furniture can help the soul. It will make you feel refreshed. Re-arrange your bedroom or living room, or paint your house as a hint to your subconscious that you want to change and feel better.

Don't Do Anything Drastic

It may be tempting to try to numb those horrible painful emotions by doing something drastic. Getting a tattoo, an extreme haircut, or to move away. You need to work through these feelings before you make any big decisions, as we tend to use these changes while we are in denial to mask that pain. We also tend to change our physical appearance to make the other person realise what they have lost. It's important to have self esteem, but remember you aren't trying to win them back. It ended because you aren't compatible. 

Don't Put Yourself Down

If you've only just started the stages, this list may have little affect on you because you're still in shock. You may be reading it while your mind shouts at you "You can't get on with your life, you need them!" Shut them up by concentrating on a hobby, or verbally SAYING "shut up" to it. Try some verbal affirmations: It can help to look in a mirror with a smile and repeat out loud "I am beautiful/handsome, smart, independent and successful". Also try "I WILL get through this", "I have confidence in myself" and "I am going to be okay".

Positivity

This is one of the most difficult parts. It's tough to be positive when you're insides are screaming "I'm dying!". It's hard to smile with friends when we just want to cry and keep telling them how much this person hurt us. By keeping positive and saying good things - whether it be about yourself or something irrelevant - It will benefit your progression through the stages. It also makes us feel good when we compliment others. Tell your best friend how good her hair looks. Tell your mum the dinner she made was great and you appreciate her for it. You will bounce off other people's happiness and feel better about yourself.

Use Support Networks

Keep your family and friends close. Sometimes in relationships we drift from some friendships, but the true friends will be there for you. If you have a local mental health team, you can also visit your doctor to refer you to them for extra help if you feel depressed. If you are feeling suicidal, you can call an ambulance on 999 if in the UK. Here is a list of suicide hotlines, which I urge you to get in contact with if you are feeling very low about your break up.   

Fall in Love with Something Else 

Rekindle your love with something else. Your passion for animals, music, art etc. Sing your heart out to your favourite songs. Spend some time with a pet or volunteer at a rescue centre. Take a solo trip to an art gallery to really get lost in some art work. 

If you need somebody to be there for you but don't know where to go, feel free to leave a comment in this blog. I know how trapping and painful these emotions are. Here's to your recovery. 

How To Care For A Hamster

Are you considering bringing a hamster in to the family? Or have you always been a pet owner and are looking for some new tips? Look no further, you'll find them here.

1 - Things to consider

You need to look for healthy signs when buying a hamster, and I would advise buying from a reputable breeder instead of a pet shop.

Unhealthy signs (With any breed) can include:

• Drooping or gunky ears
• Wet nose
• Wet tail (A form of diarrhoea which can be caused from too much fruit or veg, and even stress)
• Lethargic behaviour
• Wheezing or sneezing (Could be a respiratory issue, or even the flu. Yes, hamsters can catch a cold!)

More experienced hamster owners should consider rescue hamsters as they can often be harder to deal with and sometimes impossible to tame. (E.G. The Pets at Home adoption centre.)

2 - What breed?

You need to consider what type of hamster you want, as there are many different species that require different upbringings.

Syrian - 

The Syrian (Teddy Bear/Golden) is the largest domestic species of hamster. They are solitary and territorial, therefore must be housed alone. They are the most common type of domestic hamster and have a lot of variety of coats and breeds. Their life span is approximately 2-2.5 years.

Teddy Bean - Syrian

Chinese -
The Chinese hamster (Listed in P@H as a Chinese 'Dwarf', which is incorrect) is smaller than the Syrian, and has a slightly longer tail. They can be housed in pairs as they are more sociable than the Syrian, however be prepared to get a second cage as some pairs can still end up fighting. It all depends on the hamsters individually.

Hope - Chinese

Roborovski - 
(Robo dwarf) They are the smallest domesticated hamster, and they're probably not even the length of your little finger (looking at mine, which is about 2.5 inches). They are NOT recommended for children as they are very fast and will rarely sit still in your hand. Though they can be tamed just like any other hamster. They are commonly known as the longest living hamster, living on average 3 years.

Karot - Roborovski

Winter White/Campbells - 
These are another two dwarf hamster species that can be kept in pairs. They are so named as their coats can turn whiter in winter, however they are usually a grey colour with a darker stripe down their back. They can also have fluffy feet. The Russian hamster is a hybrid of these two species'.

Thistle & Pippy - Winter White & Campbells 

Click here to view a video describing the difference between Winter White and Campbell hamsters.

Be sure to do your research on the species' individually before buying on compulsion. You need to ensure you're putting that hamsters health and well-being before your own fun.

3 - Housing

You need a suitable cage depending on the species of hamster. All hamsters need a cage with as large as possible floorspace for exercise, and to prevent boredom. This does not include any add-on cages. Smaller breeds require a tank/aquarium type cage, with a mesh roof for ventilation, to breathe and keep cool in the summer. This is as they are small enough to squeeze through the bars and escape, which could result in them having a nasty fall, running away, or chewing on an electrical wire!

The Syrian hamster is commonly placed in a wire cage with the bar spacing being 1cm, and the cage must be at LEAST 80cm by 50cm long, and 45cm tall. Some popular cages are the Mamble 100 and the Alexander. Hamster Heaven by Savic is another favourite, though some people create their own bin cages using large plastic boxes and wire mesh.

Keep in mind a hamster would prefer a larger base to run around than a taller cage with shelves. They prefer hiding and digging to climbing.

If you DO buy from a pet shop, bear in mind the sizes are often wrong. If it's labelled as a Syrian cage, it's more than likely the size for a dwarf (Though do not buy it for a Dwarf or Chinese if it has bars). Try to imagine yourself in a cage of similar proportions, with no space to run around and you just wait for your owner to pick you up so you can get out!
Have a look at this video for a guide to cage sizes: Click here

4 - Bedding

For base bedding most people use wood shavings and others use tissue type clumped material like Fitch (Which can be bought in larger 10/20kg bales) or Carefresh. It is possible your hamster can develop allergies to the shavings, and you don't want the sharp pieces to dig in to their paws or cheeks. Avoid pine and cedar bedding as it gives off toxic fumes when urinated on. Also avoid sawdust, as it can irritate their respiratory system.

For nesting material, steer clear of any 'fluffy bedding' bedding that looks like cotton wool, even if it says "Safe" or "Vegetable Fibres". This is a dangerous type of bedding for two main reasons:

1 - It can wrap around limbs, causing loss of blood flow and they may need amputation, and in some cases, hamsters can gnaw their own limbs off to free themselves! 
And
2 - When they tear the pieces apart to make their bed comfier, they can ingest pieces of the material which will get lodged within their respiratory system causing what looks like a cold, but is incurable. They will be wheezing and struggling to breathe as the bedding doesn't break down inside, and it is a very slow death. It is recommended by the best breeders to use ripped up unscented, uncoloured toilet roll. Cheap and easy!

Those in the UK, sign this petition to do your bit! - Click here

5 - Food

Choose the food that is labelled "Hamster food", do not get one intended for rats, gerbils etc. Harry/Hazel hamster is recommended. You can add some other bits like fennel leaves, dandelion leaves, sage and milk thistle. Hamsters can also have minimal amounts of cooked chicken breast for protein, and small pieces of vegetables like cucumber, carrots and green beans a few times a week. Do not give them too many fruits and vegetables, as it can cause wet tail (Diarrhoea). Do not give your hamster anything that would be unhealthy to a human, like chocolate and crisps. No sugary, salty or fatty foods.

Straw is not suitable for hamsters as it can damage their cheek pouches.

Below is a list of foods you can and cannot give your hamster occasionally:
Click here for the list

6 - Toys and chews

Hamsters teeth continue to grow throughout their life, therefore they need chews and toys to gnaw on to keep them down and prevent them hurting their gums. If a hamsters teeth get too long and it stops them eating or injures them, they will have to be taken to the vet immediately to get them trimmed. Do not attempt this yourself. It can also be caused by excessive bar chewing, which can cause the teeth to grow in crooked.

Below is a list of some chews and toys you can get for small pets to keep them entertained:

Alfalfa blocks
Loofah toys
Untreated wooden chews
Cardboard tubes (Also toilet/Kitchen roll tubes)
Hammocks
Shelves
Walnut dangle toy

7 - Exercise

Hamsters are active creatures and in the wild would run approximately 5 miles per night. This means they need to keep active in and out of their cage, and a lot of owners do this by buying a hamster wheel. Here are some examples of ones suitable:

Silent Spinner - 
This comes in 3 different sizes; 4", 6" and 12".  The 12" would be suitable for a Syrian, and the 6" for a Dwarf hamster. 11" is the minimum size for a syrian to prevent their backs arching and developing spinal problems.

Flying Saucer - 
The Flying Saucer is more suitable for the dwarf hamsters as it can make Syrians turn their backs too much. 

Wodent Wheel - 
This is the perfect wheel for Syrians (The 11") as it's big enough, and it's also quieter than other wheels. 

Trixie - 
This is an imitation Wodent wheel, and my personal favourite. It's rather quiet, and it can be free standing or latched on to the bars.

You must consider all these points and do some research before buying a hamster. You must be able to devote up to 4 years to care for them, and ensure you don't get 'bored' and neglect them. They require daily attention and love just like any animal. If cared for they can be the perfect pet!


Sign The Petition Today!

"No More Fluffy Bedding" Group

Also thank you to ErinsHamsters