- Realise you can CHOOSE
You are able to choose how to act on the situation. Often we act on instinct and our instinct when insulted or hurt is to go into defensive mode. To try and become intimidating, to essentially try to make the other person back off and we sometimes do this by getting angry. It's like a "You just hurt my feelings, so I'm going to try and hurt you back by shouting at you!" But you can choose to not let it bother you. You can say to yourself "I will NOT let this get to me, as I'm only going to make it worse for myself.""Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent"
Eleanor Roosevelt
- You're only hurting yourself
What good is it going to do you going through it in your mind? Will it make the situation better if you shout at someone that's offended you? By sitting there thinking it over you're essentially creating poison of the mind. Being angry at someone is not going to push the person towards seeing your point of view, it's just going to make you feel ill. Write down your problem, and firmly decide that you're going to deal with it when you're calmer. If you're angry at someone else because of something they've done, by approaching the situation with such hatred and negativity, you're only making it worse. Take a deep breath and realise that you being angry will not make the issue any better.
- Try to see the situation positively
What constructive points you take from this? It depends on the situation. Maybe someone at school has called you a nasty name. What's it really going to do? You can see you're better than them, as you don't feel the need to call them names back. Does someone at work disagree with the way you're doing your project? You can accept what they're saying and learn a new way to do something, whether you agree with it or not. Has your spouse come back late from the pub? At least they're home safely. And when you're both calm and happier you can discuss it.
- Try breathing techniques
When you feel yourself flaring up, take a big inhale while thinking to yourself "I will not let this bother me. It will not solve the situation." Breathe out while thinking of a way you're going to solve the situation.*Breathe in*
"I was just called a silly name by a stranger. This does not bother me at all"
*Breathe out*
"I will simply let it go"
- Remember that life's too short
We only get on average 75 years on this planet. We're one person out of 7 billion, one species out of millions, on one little planet in the entire universe. Why would you want to waste a single minute feeling negative?
- Walk away
If you feel an argument building up and you're with the person, whether it be a co-worker, partner, or a sibling, ask for a few minutes alone. Walk in to another room and make yourself a cup of tea. Go for a walk round your local park. Take a breath and ask for some time alone. Do not do so angry, as it's possible the other person will not let you leave as they think you'll do something irrational. Breathe and ask them nicely.Tip:
When you feel yourself getting worked up, ask to be excused for a few minutes, open up this web page and have another read through.
- Think of how you will feel later
Imagine what impact this will really have. In 5 years, will you really remember this argument you're having with your spouse about the washing up? Next week, will you really care about the Facebook argument you have had? Of course not, so keep reminding yourself.
- There are no ups without downs
Remember that without these moments when you feel terrible, you wouldn't appreciate the times you feel good. There needs to be a contrast in life, and it's healthy to have all types of emotions."Happiness is like a cake. Have too much of it, you get sick of it"
Karl Pilkington
