Alrighty so after the success of my previous blog (Click here!) I decided to re-join Tinder to see what else I could find in the crevices of modern technology. Is there a Mr. Romantic on here, or is it just a place to propose "Netflix and chill"?
Almost immediately I came across my first dick. No I don't mean another misleading profile of an arrogant man, I mean an actual PENIS as a profile picture.
Guys, while you may positively shiver when you see boobs, it doesn't quite work the same way for us. Showing us a picture of your privates isn't quite so erotic. "Oh, hey... There's a, there's that. Okie dokie then."
I decided to change my bio, making it a little bit clearer just how quirky I am. I added "Small talk is too awkward, let's go for a walk, discuss aliens, video game lore and eat junk food!" - I also figured this would filter out the gym addicts. Assuming men actually read bios before swiping right.
I had a mutual left swipe from someone who claimed to be a geek, but wasn't particularly chatty. His sentences were very short and he almost immediately mentioned meeting up. NO HEY. I want to know if you're a boring call of duty gamer or a true geek.
After he mentioned meeting up I asked this guy what kind of things he is in to, expecting him to tell me what to expect should we go on a date. He replied "Game, cycle and gym haha wbu?x" - Hmm. None of those apply to a date, do they? I replied "Games, art, museums and Didney Wurll".
I am starting to notice that a lot of the time, people's locations are set wrong. It will say something like "Living in __ but studying in __". So where are you? Are you the distance it says you are or not? And other profiles say they are living abroad, so what is the point in setting your profile to living in the UK and getting matches with people over here? Long distance relationships are not very fun.
There were bio keywords that I found were a barrier to keep reading and an automatic left swipe. These were words such as "Clubbing" (Seal or party?), "Gym", "Army" and "Kids".
Certain profile pictures were also an immediate "Please swipe left quicker, fingers". It doesn't matter how great your torso is, I don't want to see it at this stage.
Occasionally I'd complain "Shit, I didn't mean to do that" when I accidentally accepted someone, and think "Please don't like me back!"
I then came across the profile of someone I knew in person! I didn't know whether to swipe right and go "HAAA, I didn't know you were on here bro" or whether there would be awkwardness if he thought I right swiped because I want to date him. He's a really decent mate, so I pressed the red 'x' to dismiss.
There was a gent with a blank bio, who looked okay and had photos outdoors. I thought they may have just created his profile and not yet filled in the information. I was disappointed when the following day I got the incredibly thrilling message "Hi"...
I fought off the urge to say "Not the most engaging of introductions!" and said "Hello." After all, why should I waste my eloquent skills on someone that won't/cant reciprocate?
About 20 mins later "Hows u". I mini raged, because 'hows u' is a pet peeve of mine. How about a nice "Hello beautiful lady, allow me to introduce myself ___Etc___". Not to mention it says in my bio that I dislike small talk.
Holding back on the 'Pretty peeved, you seem like a massive mong' I settled on "Fine. Yourself?"
"Wut u up to tonite"
"Editing."
"Wut r you editing"
"Gaming videos."
"I like ur pics especially the one that shows ur cleavage"
Well that escalated quickly. (This was immediately the biggest unmatch of my life!) *Slamming that button*
I also scrolled through my photos to make sure I hadn't uploaded something by accident and the only one he could have been referring to is this one:
Which I currently even have as my Facebook profile picture, I thought it was a really pretty background and nice smile! You'd have to be pretty lonely and desperate to notice front crack above those.
Then on one random day of left swiping I come across a cute 30 year old, whose bio sounded right up my street. Geeky, archery, crafty, with a good joke about the other types of blokes on the app. So I right swiped. "It's a match!" popped up. I decided to message him right away to let him know his profile made me smile. He replied saying "Oh my God. An actual lady geek! You are such a rarity on here. I have to admit I really appreciated your bio too.The words "discuss aliens" "video games" and "junk food" are like a key combination to my heart. Also anyone who has their first picture of them getting hugged by a sea lion gains geek credits in my book."
He was the first person to correctly notice that my picture is a sea lion as opposed to a seal! And his communication was great. I was sick of being messaged in short hand by other blokes.
Our conversation continued through the week, discussing and recommending different games, sharing interests and hobbies, and exchanging subtle compliments.
I was beginning to get fed up with logging on and seeing 'New match - 3 hours ago' and no message from the person. Isn't that the purpose of the app, to speak to them once you match? So why not send a message when it pops up on the screen to introduce yourself? I didn't think it worth me sending them a message if they weren't my type, i.e. someone thoughtful and articulate.
The geeky cute guy was still talking to me, eventually it got to the point where I was then wondering whether he'd ask to meet up. If I wasn't having a busy day, I would check Tinder every couple of hours just to see if he had replied. Then felt excited to see he had replied.
However eventually the app fizzled out and although it is still on my tablet, I only check it once a month or so. I no longer speak to anyone from Tinder, except the mate I knew in person who I spotted on it. But that is definitely no more than 'bros'.
Tinder seems to be for a very specific type of people looking for a very specific type of activity. I'm not one of them.
Missed part 1? You can read it by clicking here!
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