My Dreams 2018

This year I decided to jot down my dreams as soon as I wake up from them. I have a strange mind, so I figured they may make an interesting read as a collection at the end of the year. Here they are!

26th Nov 17
I was at Walker Stalker Convention, but it was actually in a massive school. It was a bit spooky and not many people were around. Then it got to an outdoor part of the school, where I was frantically trying to find where my next photo op was. Someone told me I have to touch their name in the room with the mist.

I was with someone but didn't know them. Then I got to a long queue outdoors, sectioned with rope. I joined it with my ticket. I was panicking. I told the person behind me that I couldn't find my ring, I was going to ask Norman Reedus to propose to me for the photo. The man behind me took his real wedding ring off for me to use. 

At the front of the queue they took my ticket and exchanged it for a little blue thing, like one of those tickets you get from fun fair arcade machines. I was told to keep going until I found their name in the mist. 

I kept on and the school started to get like a maze, and most other people disappeared. I was scared as I snuck through rooms that had classes going on. Another person said to me "Don't worry, the school shut in 2002"... I was still sneaking through rooms that had schoolkids in.

I was turning left and right through this maze until I got fed up and went to the front of a class to ask the teacher. He looked startled as I asked where Norman Reedus' line is. He said next room, door on the right, touch his name in the mist. 

I went through the door and the room was so dark. I could see some mist but it was mostly darkness. I was carrying a backpack, one of those big portfolios you use in art class, my blue ticket and tightly grasping the wedding ring so I didn't lose it. I eventually found his name in the mist, just hovering. I touched it and was immediately in a brighter room with proper queues. 

I joined what I thought was the right queue and was looking around. There were cardboard cutouts to show who was in each room. I saw Steve Carrell and Will Ferrell. When I got towards the front they asked a bunch of us for our tickets. Oh shit, where's mine? I didn't have my blue ticket. I was two people away from my photo and couldn't find it. I said "I must have dropped it in the mist!" and looked up to look properly at the room. There was a cameraman facing the same way as me, pointing at a member of staff who was kneeling in what looked like a litter tray. A massive ladder behind her, and I could see Norman standing behind the ladder in a green t-shirt and jeans. I woke up as soon as I saw him. 


13th Dec 17
I went to Supercuts to see if I could get a haircut. I had my normal blue hair and wanted it shorter. The lady in there looked like Fallout 4's Curie, but had white hair. She said it'll be a 10 minute wait. I sat on the sofa and for some reason had a bag with me full of crisps. I tried not to make lots of noise. 

I didn't want to wait there and got up to look around. Opposite Supercuts there was a little stage area with an audience starting to fill up. I went over to see what it was, and while I was standing towards the back, I saw Jimmi Simpson go and sit down at the other side. I freaked out. I went to sit next to him and he started talking to me pretty much straight away. I have no idea what was going on stage-wise because we were so deep in conversation. I even told him about my obsession with Jeffrey Dahmer (in the dream however, he had played Dahmer).

We were goofing around and eventually ended up at some half destroyed shack. Looking around it, it turned out the devil was there. He had a problem, his dog was not well. His dog was upstairs and we looked to see if we can help. His dog looked like a red skateboard.

Then there was what felt like a time jump where he asked me on a date. I said I'd love to go on a walk, which is when I woke up. (I typed a crying face here in the note)


13th Jan 18
I was in Tesco with a friend I knew from the year above me at school, we were buying plastic plates. He had a voucher for a skirt from Matalan, there was a Matalan stall outside the Tesco and I woke up when we handed the voucher over. 


(Day missing) April 18
I was inside Fortnite. I had a date at Anarchy Acres, but he landed at the wrong place. 


3rd May 18
I was brushing my teeth with cheese, and one of my teeth cracked and fell out. 


7th May 18
I was on a Pinocchio rollercoaster at the front (Like a really fast cart ride) and as it went faster going down into a horror section, I fell out. I was hanging on to the bars for dear life. Eventually managed to swing myself round and jump back in and everyone cheered. 


8th May 18
I was living in some kind of attic, and Snoop Dogg came to visit. I was excited to show him my new Fortnite emote (Tidy).


25th June 18
I had just bought a shop that used to be KFC, and was planning on turning it into a gaming cafe. Someone came in wanting chicken. I was looking where arcade machines would go, and inspecting at a broken dishwasher in the kitchen area. (In real life there was something wrong with the dishwasher here)


4th July 18
House was completely different. I see about 14 massive spiders run across the dark hardwood floor so I am screaming for help. Someone comes in and starts looking for them. They get angry at me for a heating blanket I had under the mattress (?), doesn't find any spiders and is just furious at me. I have an episode inside my dream and wake up still with it. 


6th July 18
(Very faint dream) Some kind of futuristic doctor is telling me I am superior. Perfect eyesight, perfect blood pressure, perfect human. 


1st Aug 18
I was living somewhere in rural USA on my own. I was in an art class set up for people with serious mental issues. The person running it was never there and one of the ill people was really nasty. Would bully everyone and threaten to kill or dismember them. I was new so I was trying to stay quiet. THEN, two people arrived in the class that were like those scary twins from Breaking Bad. They were more than evil, they weren't just bullies, they followed through with their threats. We sit there trying to paint while they create a bloodbath hacking people up. Even the bully went quiet. I needed sponge and blue paint to make sky behind skyscrapers. ((There's a big part of the dream missing here)) - I was crying and terrified and said I needed to go. The person running the place (Which was inside a theatre near a stage) said I have to stay and put up with this, that if I go home there will be actual war. Like real war where the world is in ruin with no food and danger everywhere. Then I woke up.


25th Aug 18
A friend from senior school came with me to a male strip club place. They went off with Zac Effron while I went off with Richard from Rammstein. I woke up when he kissed me. 


20th Sept 18
I was on a spaceship working as some sort of engineer. It was laid out like an office. I spent ages in the (dirty) staff room trying to decide between a sugar Pikachu doughnut and a chocolate alphabet one. I think I chose the chocolate because I didn't want to eat Pikachu.


15th Oct 18
I was with two friends (No idea who they are) and we needed a route to some city. Everything looked like we were in WoW. I suggested we take two of my dragons as transport. I woke up after I was googling where I'd be allowed to 'park' them.


30th Oct 18
Cute flirtatious dream about someone I know ((I could at least have typed details?!))


1st Nov 18
I was hiding in a town that was a bit like the movie Apostle. I was hiding behind a cabin from a butcher, who was lining up sheets of human skin (They looked like round tables). I woke up when I started running. 


6th Nov 18
I was dating John Cena. I didn't know it was him in the dream and only realised when I woke up (Though in the dream it might have been a regular person taking his form). I met him randomly at a convention. It was bizarre as he's not really my type.


12th Nov 18
I was observing a new friend I made at comic con, on holiday in Romania with Jen Cohn (Pharah) and two cosplayers dressed as Zarya and Mei. They were taking photos when I woke up feeling jealous. 


17th Nov 18
((In real life a few days previously, I had just replaced the nets on my windows. For some reason this time, they're lifting at the edges not staying stuck on)) I come back into my bedroom and the room is CRAWLING with big spiders of all different species. Luckily when I woke up it didn't take me long to realise I was sleeping with the windows closed that night. 


24th Nov 18
I was in some sort of saw trap. I was in a room with two other people, the first person to finish eating everything wins. But it wasn't food, one plate had red fabric on it (Lots). I can't remember what was on my own plate, but I eventually finished eating the red fabric (It took ages and was really difficult and painful on the throat), but it apparently didn't count and I was about to die. 

I broke out of the trap and started running. I got in a car and was driving without a destination, just as far and as fast as I could on my own. Absolutely terrified and hopeless. It was dark and I stopped somewhere and hid inside a tree. That's the last I remember.


30th Nov 18
A really random person I met at the con last month (I only spoke to them once) was supervising a hall playing games of badminton. I was sitting on the floor at the far side, keeping an eye on the outdoors because there was fast approaching lava. He would occasionally whack the shuttlecock over to me to keep me involved and i'd hit it back with my hand. But the lava..?

These were all completely real dreams I had, each time I woke up from one I wrote everything I could remember in a note on my phone before I forgot. I hope you enjoyed reading, some of these are so weird!

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I Changed My Name

I legally changed my name in early May 2018 after several years of considering it. I wanted something to reflect me and make me smile when I see/hear it. I went with Sunflower Van Winslow (Sunny for short). 

I applied for a deed poll which was very simple. I ordered 10 extra legal copies so that I could send them to everyone that needed to see it and get things done quicker. After I paid I felt paranoid that this wasn't enough and added another 5 (The first extra was £12 and £1 for each after that)

It arrived within a few days, and required a witness signature. This needed to be someone that doesn't live with me, isn't related to me, and isn't in a relationship with me. I sent a text to the only person locally I knew who fit this role. They were up for it. 

Later that day I was getting antsy as it was a Friday and I wanted the complete deed poll in the post to get everything done as soon as possible (It was going to take ages to finalise my passport and everything too). My text asking "When are you available, are you in now? x" Was left on 'read' for a few hours, making me more paranoid as I could see their car was there. I decided to send a second text later that day asking "Let me know if it's ok to pop over, Ideally I would like this in the post before they pick it up today x" feeling awful to have had to follow it up. This text was also left on read so I decided to go to my doctors, who was guaranteed to get it done but it just makes me really anxious being there at all.

I drove to the doctors with all my documents and handed the receptionist (Who looked like the 'no capes!' lady, really snobby) my deed, asking if there is anyone there that would be up for being my witness. She gawped at me then took the letter in the back room. She came back a minute later and said "I just asked my manager and she said no."

I was gobsmacked, this was like my last resort option as I have no friends in the area I live to be my witness. What I was asking was whether there were any human beings there willing to help me out, I couldn't understand why she asked her manager. That's like asking your manager if you're allowed to have a cup of tea when you get home. It's got nothing to do with them?

I was mid panic attack at this point. I wasn't prepared for rejection at all. My friend through messenger suggested to give it to them to give to my gp to sign but this wasn't an option either. She just reached the paper back, looked at me over her glasses snobbily and muttered "Can't help you, sorry." Yes you fucking can, you just won't. You could stand up and give the person struggling to breathe some water, talk her through it. There wasn't even a queue behind me.

I exited and stumbled across the street to the supermarket. There must be somebody? The first employee approached me and went through to the back to ask someone because he didn't really understand. Someone that looked like a manager came out to greet the red eyed, non breathing, nose running me, and I tried to get my words out as best as I could. We read through the papers and he pointed to a part that said "They must be known to you" explaining it needs to be someone that knows me personally. I wasn't told this when I bought the deed, it didn't specify the person had to know me personally. He wasn't able to help me with my paperwork but the employees there did help my anxiety. I was given water, a chair, and a chat that helped. The nice lady had to get back to work but helped me so much. People working in a supermarket helped someone having a panic attack more than a receptionist at the doctors. That shows you how broken the system is. Everyone at GP surgeries needs that training. 

I went back to my car and burst into tears again. I had a box of tissues in there so was able to let it out. I got back home and decided to just knock on that neighbours door. The husband of the person I text answered, turns out she wasn't actually home and was probably really busy at work. He must have dropped her there which was why her car was there. He invited me in saying he might be able to help me. 

He read through the paperwork, asked a few questions and signed it. I spotted he was left handed and joked "That won't void it, will it?" He said "No, but I might be burnt at the stake"

I took a photo of the deed, packaged it up and put it in the post.

Once home I got started on contacting some places that I thought wouldn't need to see the physical copy of the deed. My first success was the electoral roll, I sent them the photos of the deed and they updated it. A few days later they sent me confirmation of it, and I saw they had written it wrong, and had kept my old middle name in.

I let them know this is incorrect and they replied to say they've amended it, and sent me another form I needed to complete as my signature has changed. This proved tricky as it had tick boxes that weren't editable, DOB boxes that were an image and couldn't be typed in and I needed to create an electronic signature.

Facebook I thought would be easy. It turned out to be the worst of the lot. I sent them the photos of my deed poll and typed my new name. Previously I wasn't allowed to change my name, and they wouldn't allow 'Dani' instead of 'Daniella' despite everyone calling me Dani. In their list of suitable ID that I had to send them to confirm this new name, "name change paperwork" was there. The next day I had a reply saying this wasn't enough. Erm, yes it is? It says so in your small print. Not to mention there was only one person in the world with my old and new names so it wasn't someone elses paperwork.

During the following week I got the deed poll and legal copies back and could get started properly. In order to get my new passport, they needed either my driving licence or a bank statement as well as the deed. So I chose to do the banks first and print out a statement there.

This is where I ran into my next problem. I arrive at my 'main' bank late morning and it's relatively quiet. It took ages to be seen despite there only being one person in front of me. I was sat for about 30 minutes when I was at the front of the queue, I ran out of fidgety things to do (finger pressing, foot wobbling and phone twirling) and started to get a bit anxious. I was then seen by a very young slightly nervous bloke (Though that could just be as I'm seriously weird looking, blue hair, gold shoes and a cat backpack).

I went downstairs to print my statement and it was only later that day I noticed something was off. Either he had typed 'Van' as my middle name, or the banks computer system wasn't happy with a space being in my surname and changed it automatically. I logged in to online banking and it said "Hello Sunflower Winslow". I checked my statement and it said "Miss S V Winslow" which is incorrect. It said my full name on part of it, which is why I didn't notice this mistake while I was still at the bank. 

Earlier in the day I was feeling some relief as I'd posted the 'big' documents (passport and driving licence) after this I was just pissed off that I needed to go back out again tomorrow to fix it. It might not even be fixable, I read an article online about someone having a problem with this particular bank and having a space in their surname. 

My secondary bank was the best experience, I was seen to immediately by a really lovely lady. She showed me her screen the entire time without me even asking, so I had piece of mind everything was correct. She even walked me to the entrance to give me directions to the next bank. I walked out with paper evidence that it had been completed. I checked their online banking later that day to see it was all perfect.

I have a third bank account that I've never used, they used to be my secondary account until these contactless cards became a thing. I wasn't comfortable with this and they didn't allow an opt-out so I changed banks. I then felt sorry for this bank when they were sending me the 'sorry to see you go...' emails so I opened another one with the intention of putting an emergency tenner in it. I never got round to this, so this account was in the wrong name, with the wrong address, and I didn't know the pin for the card. 

This third bank isn't as much of a big shot as the other two. The first ones they might offer you a drink, it's a lovely spacious building, and you're brought into the booths or rooms to complete this information. This one however, I had to stand at the desk at the front of the branch to complete the address and name change. It was like a car-boot sale vs the Harrods that was the other banks. The woman was awful. Her attitude was so rubbish the entire time. 

When she was filling out the paperwork (Which I would have liked to do myself, thank you) her handwriting was atrocious so I'm expecting it to be incorrect. Her L's look like V's. In the previous name section she wrote Angela for my middle name. I squeaked "Oh my middle name was Angeline". She said "Well this is what we've got on the system!" I got out my passport and said "Angeline was my middle name not Angela." She said "Oh, i thought you said Danielle."

She scribbled over her error and muttered "I would have got that anyway when I checked it at the end..." Well alrighty roodle excuse me for not knowing you personally, I can only judge what I see and what I see is awful handwriting, a mistake and one stenchy attitude. 

After this was done I had to go to the counter to close one of the accounts with this bank, I had a savings account with £0.34 in it, must have been my child account crossed over into an adult savings account. The lady at the main counter was nice. The bloke next to me knew the guy behind his counter and he was bragging about being some kind of pro fighter.

The morning after I got online at 7am to see what I could do about my main bank. I didn't want to go back as I was socially exhausted (when socially exhausted I get anxious really easily), and it costs £2.50 to park there for a hour. I try live chat, which their facebook suggested. They took about 20 minutes just to tell me they can't help and I need to go to the bank. I open facebook to see a reply and things looked a little more promising. 

The lady asked me a few security questions and we then secured it by me logging in to my online banking and sending her a message through that too (so she knew my facebook was really me). She contacted the branch I went in to (Possibly to see their copy of my deed) and I made breakfast while waiting. 

About a hour after I first started talking to her, I logged into my bank again to be greeted "Hello Miss Van Winslow"!

I sent her a message calling her a diamond and saying she should ask her boss for a raise. She had been so clear at communicating and thorough with everything. So happy not to have to change banks. Their card came through the following day with contactless, so I let them know I had already opted out of this. It took an extra day to get the correct card, but it still arrived quicker than the other banks.

A postman arrived one morning with a package for me that needed signing for. I stumbled when he asked for my surname. I said "Um, Van Winslow". He said "How do you spell it" to which I got flustered as I can't really spell. Well I can, it just takes me ages because I normally use phonetic spelling ("Ah, buh, cuh"). I said can't you just put "S"? Then a fly flew at my face so I dived out of the way, looking even more mental.

That day I sent Facebook a scan of the bank statement I printed, as further proof that i'm actively using my legal name. I get a reply the next day saying it's not enough. Furious at this point.

I changed several unimportant things like supermarket cards and email newsletters, and the following week I decided to try Facebook again. I sent them a scan of another bank account with my name. I get a (Always a generic copy paste massive paragraphs) reply a couple of days after saying it's rejected yet again, stating "It may be that your name doesn't meet our standards" Well fuck you then. I had that account for 11 years, grew up through it, with lots of memories and my personality on it. 

I had no choice but to create a new profile. I let everyone know on my old Facebook and started to create it. I had to go through a decade of old liked pages and decide which ones I wanted on my new profile. Re-added most people. Applied for all my groups as well as transferring admin of the groups and pages I run. I noticed a lot of the people in the 'Add friends' list were people I previously had blocked, so I had to do a lot of hunting to make sure several people were still blocked. It was a little scary to view people's profiles who had such an effect on me previously. 

After a couple of days of using the new profile, I felt comfortable. I didn't delete the old profile so I was able to swap back when people messaged the wrong one. Facebook eventually started sending weird notifications to the old profile like "this person updated a status" which I kept opting out of but it kept happening, so I put up a post telling people I would deactivate it soon, to hurry and add my new account. I put up a code word in a status so people would know that my new account was the real one.

About a week and a half after posting my passport and driving licence, I got my new licence! I was beaming when I opened the post. I was anxious about it as their paperwork asked for 'proof of identity', which at the moment I didn't have. My passport and driving licence were my ID, and birth certificate doesn't prove my new name. I sent a bank statement along with it, so this was enough proof. I was over the moon that this was done so quickly, and really happy with the DVLA. 

Once I had my driving licence, I finally felt like me. It was legal once the deed poll was first signed, but getting ID back felt real. I was really happy with my name.

Netflix didn't have the option to change the name on my account (Profile, it does though) so I went on their live chat, where they then changed it straight away. Now TV was more annoying. They also didn't have a button to edit the name so I read in their help section which said to use their live chat to change any personal details. It was clear their first language wasn't english and went through strange questions (that shouldn't have been relevant) eg "so you got married and want to change your name?"

They ended by saying they were only able to edit the surname on my account, so I took it to social media and sent their facebook page a message. They replied a couple of hours later telling me to reconnect to another of their live chat agents. I did this and they said the same. I told them to remove my account in that case, I'd have to start from scratch opening a new account. I tried a couple more times and they took ages to reply to the first message so after squeezing the life out of the stress ball in my hand I went on my desktop pc so I could at least type better. 

They refused to close the account, also saying "NO you cannot open a new account using the same email address" so I started talking bollocks, saying things like "Under GDPR law I have the right to have my details removed. Please let me know how I can do this." which is probably true, I just don't have anything proper to quote. They asked me to wait a minute then pasted a long legal reply, saying they need to keep my details for as long as legally required. When I asked how long, they said at least 7 years. My eyes widened. I knew to keep things like proof of transactions for 7 years, but that they have to keep all of my details for that long? That for the next 7 years they're going to keep sending junk post and emails because they're allowed to by law? He asked if I wanted to opt out of marketing emails. I already had done before... 
Now it just means I can't watch Westworld while i'm in bed. A couple of days later I was pissed off to receive a "how was your customer service experience?" email, as my details weren't supposed to be on their system! 

A month after I posted my driving licence and Passport off, I got a mildly alarming letter in the post from the passport office, saying "We still haven't had your response to our previous letter", safe to say I didn't get one. It was asking for further proof that i'm using my new name, and required a minimum of two documents from those listed. The only one of those I had was my new driving licence. I didn't want to send this off so scanned it, as well as several other documents they might accept like my bank statement, car insurance and electoral roll. I typed up a cover letter and listed everything that I was putting in the envelope with it, so they could triple check they were returning ALL my documents. I read the small print to see they do not accept photocopies, so with a knot in my stomach I put my new driving licence in with the documents and took the photocopy out. I added in the cover letter how anxious I was to have to send my actual driving licence instead of a copy. I sent these by special delivery in a hard backed envelope. It was signed for the next morning. 

The cover letter sent with my documents

My next problem came the following week when I collected the daily post and felt what was shaped like a passport in a flimsy a4 envelope. I eagerly opened it to discover it was my old one, with the corners cut off. All of my supporting documents were returned in this envelope, along with a note saying "The documents submitted in support of your application have been noted and are enclosed". There was just one problem... No driving licence. 

I looked online to see whether people were saying theirs was usually returned separately. I couldn't find anything. I figured the corners being cut off my old passport meant it had been accepted, so maybe my licence gets returned with that? But it also says online that passports aren't sent 'signed for', they're just put through the letterbox. So it wouldn't make sense to send them both together and have the possibility of both forms of ID getting lost. I emailed the passport office and got a reply a few hours later saying my email has been passed on and they will reply within 3 working days.

Later that same day my new passport was put through the letterbox. No driving licence. I sent an email to the DVLA asking what to do, but theirs also said it'd be '3 working days or longer due to an increased volume of emails'. I was less worried about the £20 I would have to pay for a replacement licence, than people thinking there's something suspicious about me. I've had 4 or 5 new driving licences already because of address changes.

The following week the passport office replied and said they will contact the Peterborough office and ask them to return it. If i hadn't received it in 10 days to reply to them. SIGH! I also got a standard reply from the DVLA saying it will be £20 to replace it (That wasn't really what I was asking... I wanted to make sure the passport office were liable to pay it) 

Late June I receive a letter from one of the two people that sent the letter asking for more documents saying "we do not retain documents here" and as you can imagine I was fuming. Someone had clearly not read my cover letter properly and threw away my driving licence in that hard backed envelope I sent everything in. I replied to the email that said to do so if I had not received it in 10 days first thing that morning, and was anxious to not have a reply that same day. I sent an email to a website that answers random law questions to make sure the passport office were meant to pay for the replacement. I knew straight away that these two people at the passport office were incompetent, by the way they had included in their 'asking for further documents' letters a section at the top telling me to affix this to the envelope. The section with the return address, reference numbers and their names. This was supposed to be printed on one of those sticky sheets like when you get returns labels on some receipts when ordering online. But they printed it on a regular piece of paper so I had to spend a couple of minutes cutting and lining up scotch tape to cover every part of it, then attaching it to my envelope. By the evening I decided to just buy my new licence now and send them the receipt when they eventually reply to that email, as it'll take a week or two for me to even get it and I want it now. Well I want it three weeks ago.  

The reply from the passport office came a couple of days later, saying they will ask the Peterborough office to look for it again. They also gave me another email to contact if it's still unsuccessful. My replacement licence arrived the morning after, so I put together an email to the new one explaining everything and that I was given this contact for the reimbursement. I spent about 10 minutes typing it up properly and attaching relevant pictures. My time is worth more than £20, and It feels like the word "email" has lost all meaning now. An automatic reply came almost instantly with information about their 'complaints procedure' and that it'll take 10 working days to reply. Sigh.

15 days (11 working days...) later, a reply from the passport office came stating despite a thorough search they cannot find it (I know! You threw it away!), and "have no evidence of having it" Reading this felt like my stomach acid had the equivalent of a bath bomb in it. I was frowning so hard at the screen as though the harder I frowned the more the person that couldn't see me frowning would suffer.

The attention to detail from the passport office has been appalling. Even in this final email it says "Thank you for your email of 29 June", when my email went through on the 26th. They don't read my cover letter I sent with my licence and documents. They failed to notice I had sent everything next day special delivery, signature required which cost me around 7 quid. Why would I do that unless one of the documents in there was important?! Everything else was basic photocopies. I had to pay for my first driving licence and then again for this one, not to mention extra time waiting and the stress it's caused. So it boiled my blood to read the "gesture of goodwill" £20 (For which they say I could wait another three weeks to arrive!) with the email implying I hadn't sent it to begin with. I remember standing in line at the post office feeling the outline of my licence through the envelope (The envelope I even brown taped shut out of paranoia!) 

Buying 10 extra legal copies of the deed poll turned out to be much more than needed. Most things I sent just a photocopy or was able to email a scan of the deed. I only had two out of my possession at any one time. The people at the deed poll office said 5 extra copies is the average people buy, and this sounds about right. 

Another thing worth noting is that there are lots of 'unimportant' things that will make it more difficult than you may expect to change your name. For example my World of Warcraft account, there isn't a button to edit your actual name so you have to create a support ticket, for them to then ask you to send ID. I decided not to bother with a lot of my accounts, and others I just asked to be closed (Like my Argos account). 

Of this whole experience - with all the logistical problems there's been - one of the most annoying parts has been the number of times I've been asked "Why did you change it?" because there isn't a non awkward way to say "...Because I wanted to?" It got so tedious answering this question. Why do people think I changed it? I'm not having a sex change (If I were, THAT would be the big news not the name change), I haven't fallen out with anyone or got a divorce. I certainly haven't got married. There isn't a famous paedophile rapist called Dani Grego that I didn't want to be confused with. I just want to be me. Why is it so difficult for people to grasp wanting to choose your own identity? We change the way we look, our jobs and our relationships, why not our name? Something so easily reversible. 

It's really refreshing to introduce myself as Sunny. Once the novelty of having a new name wore off, it simply felt like the right decision. 

Alberta, Canada 2017

In June 2017 I decided to go to Canada. I've always wanted to go and thought i'd fit right in, with their bears, snow and stereotypical politeness. I booked a trip to Banff for late September, started lists and research, and on the 25th Sept I was on my way. 


Monday 25th Sept 
I woke up shortly before 5am, tried to get a bit more sleep before my alarm went off at 6:30 but couldn't. Got up to have the last of the pikelets (Which were crap compared to the usual ones) and a cup of tea. At 6:30 I did the last minute packing, had a wash and got ready. The taxi arrived early so I was rushing around like a sweaty orangutan. My mum had kindly put my main suitcase downstairs so I grabbed my rucksack and jumper and went downstairs. It was pissing down. I opened the front door and put the light on to show I was ready. The driver didn't get out, which I thought was strange. I started huffing and folding my arms and gesturing like "I'm ready!". He still didn't get out. I was stressing, I've only seen it in the movies but I thought they put your bags in for you. I hoped he'd at least open the door so I could run in the car because it was pouring it down. I messaged my mum who came down and as soon as she showed herself at the door, he got out and opened the boot. Typical -.- 

The taxi ride was crap. At first it was sweating hot, steamed up the windows. After about 10 minutes of me grabbing at my collar and pulling pufferfish faces he put the air conditioning on. He also turned the radio up, which was annoying but at least it was on a talking channel instead of music. After a little while, the radio crackled because we were out of Milton Keynes, he decided to switch to a music channel and christ almighty, loud crap. Lacking the assertiveness skills, I just sat in fury. I put my headphones in, but they blocked no noise. I was planning on tipping him and most of the journey I was hoping I had a proper reason not to. When we finally arrived, he got out of the car (Thanks for parking my door in a big puddle by the way, these are my only shoes) so quickly that I was not out of my seat by the time my suitcase was on the side and he was getting back in the car. Blech. At least he was away so quickly that I didn't have time to give him the £5 note I had crumpled in my hand. 

I headed in to the airport and to the check in machines. I stood derping, no idea what I was doing. There were lots of machines and I wasn't sure which one I was meant to use. Luckily there were some people there to show me (It wasn't especially busy at this time, about 9am, but it was all still so rushed) and I got my boarding pass. Next it was time to put my big suitcase in. I went to the side to recover, intending to get my camera out to introduce my vlog, but loads of people decided to follow me to my no longer quiet side. I picked myself up, put my bag ticket on my suitcase, and went looking for the queue I was supposed to be in. Someone guided me and I was waiting to get to the desk, where they have those conveyor belts to weigh your case. The lady behind me seemed confused too, there were different airlines on the signs above the desk but it seemed we were supposed to go to the first available one. I was sweating so much with the rush, and I didn't even have my jumper on yet. The woman at the desk was a little grumpy. I wanted to make sure there was no weight limit on my hand luggage (Which was fuckin' heavy) and she looked and said no its fine. Bye bye suitcase, I hope I see you again. 

Pretty much immediately after this was security. There were boards and tables showing what's not allowed, and bags for you to put toiletries in. There were no signs to say you need to take your laptop out of your bag/its case, but luckily I had read it on the website beforehand. The queue didn't take too long, but the young guy in front of my had overpacked his toiletries bag (wayyy too much) so it wouldn't close and he had to throw stuff away. I put my jumper and laptop in one box, and my backpack in another. Went through the scanner fine, and then on the other side I picked up my laptop and jumper. Then, BEEP kerchunk. My rucksack was pushed to the side, for them to search properly. It felt a little like when you walk out of a shop when you haven't bought anything, and you need to walk obviously and openly to show you aren't a thief. I went round to the desk and the lady brought my bag over to check. She was actually super nice, talking to me while doing it. I have seen this happen to other people and I was worried because it's always silence and they take every single item out, that you spent months in advance packing in it's exact place. But she showed me the scan picture and it was fascinating to see, they had circled two things in my bag, one was some wires (I had about three chargers in there) and the other I was like... What is that? I didn't even know. She had a look and it turned out to be my iphone portable charger, you know those tube things that you charge in advance so you can top up your phone when out. The people at security were super nice. 

Picking up my backpack and moving on to the main area, this was where it was time to WAIT. For bloody ages. It was about 9:30 and my flight wasn't even going to be announced until 12:00. I went to get a snack, drink and magazine and sat watching the planes. I was also pleased to see Netflix worked. (Sign up for the Heathrow Rewards app, you get better wifi) 

Fast forward to boarding time. I was right at the back of the plane, so I thought I would be called first. I wasn't. Once I made it to my seat I was mildly horrified to see how tiny they are. The screen is right in your face. I brought my laptop with me to play dvds on, but there was no chance of it fitting. the depth of the chair is really narrow too, if you wanted to put your leg up, like holding your knees, they would just fall off. I went to put my backpack in the overhead storage, only to see there wasn't any for me. The hole above our seats had emergency stuff in like the fire extinguisher. The next one forwards was full of what looked like bags of recycling. Worried, I went to find someone asking if i'm supposed to put it with the emergency stuff. They said put it in any. I said so I'm ok to put it in? They said no, but none are reserved so put it in any on the plane. I thought but the ones further up are for THOSE seats?! I tried to hide it under the chair in front, it turned out this was the better option anyway and I kept it there for the whole journey. Then there was the matter of who was sitting next to me. Oh god please be someone nice. I don't want to damage my organs holding pee because i'm too scared to ask them to move. Sweet little old lady walks towards the back of the plane, please be her please be her. She sits down several rows ahead. Behind her someone tries to get in to another seat. Then behind that person, is a young serial killer looking bloke. Yep, I got the serial killer. He looked like he could be a Breaking Bad villain, only slightly more hipster. I've never seen someone look and act so grumpy. I had this whole fantasy thought through in my head where I'd share my food with the person next to me, shake their hand, to establish some sort of communication so that it's ok for me to ask to get past them. This person literally avoided my eye contact where I was going to say hello, and just sat down. Holy shit. Just kill me now.

About 10 minutes later when the plane was much fuller, he got up and moved seats. I decided not to question why and just keep my fingers crossed he doesn't get told to move back, or someone else doesn't come along. I did that sort of 'make yourself big' posture like we do on trains, to try and put people off. As we got to the safety instructions I thought YES! I'm sitting alone! Perfect! Only the flight was far from perfect. I put the arm rest up and sat uncomfortably cross legged and put Zodiac on. It was a bit boring, I wanted to watch it for John Carroll Lynch and Jimmi Simpson but they weren't the leads. One of the air hostesses reminded me of Barbie from Toy Story 2, she had that tour guide enthusiastic voice. About half way through the 9 hour flight, I started to feel really ill. I had a headache and I was FREEZING. The air was dry and my god, cold. I don't get cold often so it's possible I caught a bug on the plane or at the airport. I started to feel sick as well as headachy too. I had my music on and laid down sideways (This sounds much comfier than it was, remember each seat is like one big butcheek wide) but I didn't feel any better. Towards the end of the journey I was seriously nauseous. I get travel sickness sometimes in the car, but I open the window and breathe the fresh air. I was just soooo cold though. The upbeat air hostess noticed I wasn't doing so well and came over to help me. I said I feel sick. She said what's wrong (I realised 'I feel sick' doesn't mean "i'm gonna vomit" like it does in England, "I feel sick" could be anything from the sniffles to hepatitis) She was so lovely, she brought me water and a couple of cold cloths to use on my forehead and neck. Also a few sick bags just in case. She asked me if I wanted a Canada Dry to help with the nausea, and I didn't quite understand what she was saying. I had never heard of Canada Dry and I heard it like "Canazadri". I said "Is it like a medicine..?" and she showed me it's a ginger drink. I said i'm not sure and she said she'll get me one and i'm welcome to take it out with me if I want. 

Time for the plane to land. I put my shoes and seatbelt on and begged my body not to be sick. I was sipping water and the other air hostess said the tray next to me needs to be up, so I had to hold the water in the bumpy landing. Pretty much as the wheels hit the floor, I was sick in the bag. It was only water, but it was like a loud burp and super embarrassing. I wanted to go "Sorry everyone, just water". Reading this back, it sounds hilarious, but you can imagine just how ill I felt at the time. 

It took ages to get off the plane. I had hold of another bag just in case it happened again. People avoided my gaze rather than let the sick lady off the plane first *Insert massive eye roll*. I'm dreading the plane back, where I'm likely to be next to someone. 

Once off, we had to queue at some sort of interrogation desk. While on the plane, they gave us a complicated looking declaration form. I panicked a little as I thought all this sort of thing was done. I had filled in what I could but left a couple of things blank. The queue took SO long, I kept hunching down by my bags because I was all woozy and still nauseous. I don't know if people kept their distance a little because I looked so ill, or because I was wearing weird pants and they thought I was crazy. Once I got to the desk I told the man (They were all dressed sort of like police) that I'm so sorry there were a few parts I didn't quite understand. He was really lovely and said no problem we can go through it. He helped me understand it and we were chatting, it was actually really nice, made me feel a little bit better. I wondered if he was especially nice person or if this is an example of the Canadian stereotype being true. Once all done I asked where I go and he explained about getting my suitcase, I asked "Is it obvious where I go?" He chuckled and said yes. I thanked him and went a few steps to see it really is plainly obvious, the bag carousel was right there. 

The bags were delayed so I went to the toilet. Oh boy, my tummy was not happy. I went for my 'regular' not long before getting on the plane, and it was one of those 'feel lovely afterwards' ones (I even told my friend) but by now my insides were a wreck. I must be ill. I went back to get my bag which was there shortly after, and handed my 'now signed by the nice guy' declaration in to customs. Finally it was time to exit! I walked the long trek to the car hire place and checked in at the desk. I was waiting what felt like a LONG time. I just wanted to go to bed. Headache, sick, exhausted (It was about 4:30pm Canada time but past my bedtime in the UK, not to mention I was up at 5am). Eventually a lady came to get me and take me to the truck. She said she loved my accent and thought I was Australian. We arrived at my truck and I wasn't sure what I was doing, do they show me how to use it? Do we have loads of forms to go through? I was pushed in to paying for the fuel up front and bringing it back empty (which isn't too bad i guess) and not shown how to use it. I pointed to a pedal that I wasn't familiar with and she said it's the handbrake. I was confused. She got in and showed me it, breaking it in the process. Good thing I asked her about it, imagine if I had done that! The pedal wouldn't come back up. Other staff tried, but they gave me a different truck. 

I was handed the keys and that was that. I was really overwhelmed at this point. I have never driven an automatic, a truck, on the other side of the road or car. I spent ages inside it trying to work things out. The stick that is normally my windscreen wash in my car, is the park drive gearstick thing in the truck. I rejected the GPS that I had originally wanted, because I wanted to use coordinates instead of general locations. I can't deal with the stress of arriving at a general area and looking for where i'm going. But they said to type an address and I thought I might as well just use my phone then, as I had downloaded alberta maps. 

I started my maps and pressed where I wanted to go. However, because I was in an underground car park, the gps wouldn't work... So I couldn't start navigation. I was panicking a little bit as it didn't seem too well signed. I had the phone ready to press go and slowly set off. Found the exit and pressed the brake only for the car to SLAM to a halt. Ok, so the brakes are MUCH more sensitive than my car. I had my windows slightly open and was saying things like "Oh come on Dani, don't be silly" so that the people around knew I was aware of what I was doing and not just an awful driver. Once I had the hang of the brake sensitivity, it was fine. Very strange getting used to this massive Ford as opposed to my tiny Corsa. Phone was on the dashboard and I pressed the navigate button. It didn't do anything. So because it was quiet I pulled over to the side and put my hazards on so people knew to go round me and not wait. Some moron waited behind me. I did a small wave to say sorry while I was trying to get the phone to work. This stupid man still didn't go (There was tons of space) so I put my hand out again and gestured for him to go. Instead of putting his hand up to thank me for making it clear, the cunt got angry. I looked away because I've got more important things to do than pay attention to angry morons. Eventually getting my phone to work, I pressed navigate to my hotel and put it down. I had to use the only USB slot for my phone so I wasn't able to use the usb music I had prepared for the drive. Luckily I had a couple of cd's. I had no idea where I was going, and struggled because my maps wasn't speaking out loud. I had angled it on the dashboard so I could see it a little bit but I found it really difficult to judge which lane I was supposed to be in. I went the wrong way a few times and missed several highway exits but eventually arrived in one piece. 

I arrived at the hotel and slowly pulled in to the underground car park. It had a height limit but I was sure I was fine. I went slow so I could make sure. The aerial just about touched the wood bar that showed the limit which was fine. The garage opened and I pulled in to the car park, the spaces aren't the massive american ones I was imagining, which was pretty stressful. About a third of the cars i've seen have been trucks so how does everyone park? 

I went up to check in, and was greeted by a really nice lady at reception. She got me checked in and told me where everything is and that reception is 24 hour should I need anything else. I got to my room SO exhausted, desperate to take some medicine and go to bed. But I needed to go and get groceries. I went down to the garage and got in the car. I knew where it was because it was only up the road a bit, but I still put it in my maps just in case the road is hectic and I miss it. I started to exit and the garage door opened, I started pulling out and hear a slight scrape. Oh god, no... I reverse back and try again. I get the car out with the scrape noise, and feel sick thinking I've scratched it, haven't I. Oh God oh God oh God. It was a short but incredibly stressful trek to the shop. I lean up to look but couldn't really tell if I'd done anything because the car was quite dirty. I go in the shop, intending to make a happy vlog for everyone but I started crying. The place was packed, added with how ill I felt, and burned out, and now the stress of the car. I was trying to do my shopping quickly so didn't pay much attention to prices or what I would NEED. I drove back to the hotel and found another car park to put my truck in. 

I made one trip to my room to put my shopping away (three carrier bags, rucksack and 2 packs of 12 bottled water, thanks to the other guest who saw me struggling and didn't help 😠) 

Still in tears, I went to reception to ask for their opinion and to double check that I hadn't damaged anything in the car park. Karen the receptionist was still there and she came out to look at the garage, which turned out to be fine. Then we went to look at the truck. It was tricky to see because of the dirt but we went up the stairs and you could see a little dent. I cried a lot more then, because I have no idea what you're supposed to do now. I had insurance but I didn't understand it. She took me inside and made me a cup of tea while helping me calm down. She text and phoned people she knows to ask for advice, also her son who owns a truck. Everyone seemed to think it will all be fine because i'm insured. She also reminded me I only scraped the car a bit, I didn't crash it. She gave me her phone number when her shift ended at 9pm, saying she's there if I need her. Karen is a diamond, she helped me so much. I went back to my room still upset but grateful for other people. I washed and went to bed, in pain, jet lagged, uncomfortable. The bed is huge, you have to climb over to get off it. I was however, happy to discover Netflix works!


Tuesday 26th Sept
At 5am I got up and went with a wet cloth to clean the dirt from the truck. I wanted to see the damage. It was still dark so I couldn't really see. I sent emails to my insurance and the rental car place letting them know what I've done so they were aware and could advise if need be. (I got a reply from the hire place which was a little reassuring, I fill out paperwork about what happened and my insurance information, and that should be it unless the insurance people are going to be difficult. They have good reviews though.)

I got out the travel kettle only to discover it wasn't working. Though I remembered Karen from last night, saying they have spare kettles should I need any! (I gave my coffee pot to another guest because theirs was broken) 

I did very little today except try to recover from feeling so ill. I had my first bath, but kept my hair up. I had very little toiletries so had to use one of those cheap round hand soaps hotels give you. The bath itself is really nice. It's a jacuzzi but I didn't use the bubbles, just wanted to soak. I had my laptop on the desk with Netflix on, watching Futurama. I had the do not disturb sign on the door today and was pleased that nobody (housekeeping) knocked. 

View from my bath

Later in the evening I see on Facebook that Steven Ogg has been announced for Walker Stalker London 2018, which I'm going to. I'm a major fan and it's funny he's been announced now, given he's the reason I am here in Alberta. I would never have even googled Calgary if it weren't for him. 

Wednesday 27th Sept 
Today I was up super early again. I decided to go to the grocery store again, because I wanted some cereal and to give housekeeping a chance to clean the room while i'm out. It didn't open until 8 so I left at 7:20. It was SO cold out. The sort of cold you feel in your eyeballs. But it was quite nice, breathing the fresh air. I checked on the truck first because it was light enough, and It didn't look as bad as I was expecting it to. I had to climb the stairs to the balcony to be able to see it, so at best the rental place will say it doesn't matter. It's a small cosmetic damage that you can't even see. 

I then went back to IGA and arrived 10-15 mins before they opened. There was a one legged sparrow bouncing around outside. I wished I had something to feed it, but I said "I'm sorry birdy all I have is fudge" - I later learned after a google, that it's illegal to feed the wildlife so good thing I didn't. It was much quieter at this time so I was able to look around properly, I even got some footage of the stuff I was buying. I had a lengthy chat with one of the guys that works there about tax, I wasn't sure if it were like America where you have to guess what it'll cost. Also interested to find out that with the plastic milk cartons they add a little extra tax to try and discourage people from using plastic. Strange though that at the checkout they pack for you, in the plastic bags that seem to be free. 

On the walk back, I realised that there are a LOT of Chinese people here. And I have seen zero black people. I walk past a Chinese lady who was casually gozzing all over the pavement, disrespectful gross bitch. I got back to the hotel at about 9am, and was miffed to see housekeeping had not been. I thought they'd have finished, because I had the sign on asking for it. I had a really quick cup of cornflakes as for some reason I bought tiny plates instead of bowls. I wasn't disappointed, it's pretty nice to have a cup of cornflakes. If you don't get enough milk on your spoon you can have a little sip. 

After I finished my tea, I put my coat on and went out to walk around Banff. It was still quite quiet compared to how seriously busy it would be later, so I browsed in some shops. I bought a few things and went to have a look in Mcdonalds, picked up a paper, but it was still about 20 minutes before they started serving fries. I carried on walking down the road and came to the turning for the trail to Bow Falls. 

Bow Falls

Back at the hotel some time around 1:30, I was frustrated that the housekeeping sign was still on my door. I desperately wanted a bath with all the walking and sweat and headache. I went down to reception to ask, just in case the sign for the maid means something else as opposed to 'clean this now pls thx'. He explained in peak season they clean all the checkout rooms first. I asked when they predict it'll be done (Usually in hotels the maid comes knocking at 8ish so I made sure to be out early) and he said they'll still be cleaning at about 4 - 5. I was like oh my godddd I need a bath but the room needs cleaning. He said I can use the room and they can come along a bit later, but I wanted in a long bath, hair wash and pj's. This guy was being really nice by the way, I was trying not to be too whingy just stuck for options. I thought Ah, I could just get the stuff to restock the room and he was happy to help. He came with me to get a bunch of towels, cups, and a new box of tissues from all the crying i had been doing (And picking dried blood out my nose in the mornings from the dry air). He asked if I would like some of the shampoo and I said yes please, he went to get some and came back with a nice handful of stuff that I didn't originally have in the room, lots of conditioning shampoo, bath and face soap. He was a gem, stayed positive and kind, acted like nothing was too much. The staff here have been so lovely. 

Someone outside my window was blasting RHCP's By The Way album. I wasn't even mad until someone started 'singing' it. They kept repeating it too which was infuriating. By 7pm it would have been 2am for me so I was pretty annoyed. Tried closing my window but it doesn't close.


Thursday 28th Sept 
I have quite big plan for tomorrow so I didn't want to do too much today. I woke up at my usual crazy early time with a headache, took some tylenol and had tea and cornflakes. Since staying here there has been a train from about 4am every hour or two, which keeps hooting. It's so loud and wakes you up and even shakes the bed. I read that trains here have to use their horn for 15 seconds when approaching a public crossing to warn people.

 (This is the train! At 34 seconds)

 At about 11:30 I asked the lady who was cleaning next door what time they predict housekeeping will get to my room, she let me know they do the check outs first and I asked what her accent is, turns out she's from Yorkshire! I said I used to live in Harrogate. Seeing another English person here is like seeing a puppy, I feel the need to squee. She predicted after about 2pm so I decided to be out of the room by then, and just go to the shops and get something to eat. It was sweltering outside. I went back in to get my sunglasses and wished I left my coat indoors. It was full blown summer weather, total contrast to yesterday when it was freeeezing. I first went to Dairy Queen, I had never been before and wanted to try it. The people working there were Chinese. I ordered fries and a diet pepsi, turned around to decide where to sit. Of about  20 tables that were occupied, 19 were Chinese families. It isn't a problem (Apart from that disgusting woman gozzing yesterday), just a bizarre observation. I wonder if the big travel agents in China had a special on for Banff. I finished my food and had a wander round the shopping center. I decided to buy some touristy stuff, pen, magnet, pin. I also got a couple of solar dancing figures that I collect in my car. 

I wandered further down the high street and arrived at the Museum I was planning on visiting. It's full of taxidermy animals of Banff. I don't really approve of taxidermy but the animals were beautiful, as was the building itself. 

I spent ages there, and got back to the hotel at about 4:30 by which time housekeeping had been in. I wrote a note asking my bedsheets to be changed (I know some hotels only tidy the bed) and put $2 out for them, but I was disappointed to see they hadn't done much else. They added a few cups and took the bin, but didn't hoover, replace toiletries or clean the bath. I cleaned the bath and started running one, covered in sweat from the serious heat outside. It was also boiling inside the museum, made worse with a rucksack on. 

I had a really nice evening though. I had a lovely bath with some chocolate milk, ate some cheese and ritz with the roast chicken crisps i brought (the food here isn't great and it made my crisps taste even stronger but it's ok) and had a lie down in my fresh bed, for the first time without a headache.

Friday 29th Sept
I woke up at about 6 today which was a nice change. (Still had my usual waking up several times but it was nice not to have a headache) I actually felt quite comfy, makes a big difference to not feel ill, I can appreciate things more. I did have a lot of blood in my nose though, because of the dry air. At 7am I had a cup of tea and a cup of cornflakes, watched an episode of the US Office on Netflix (Nick a lot of the UK Office jokes, don't you?)

I have a helicopter flight today at 11 and the pick up is from my hotel at 10:15. Let's go tick something off the bucket list!


I got back to the hotel at about 4:15pm, wow wow wow. The helicopter tour was amazing. I was sitting next to the pilot! I realised afterwards that because I was taking photos on my phone, I had my camera on my tripod in between my knees, and I was like the copilot holding a tripod instead of a joystick (Is it called a joystick? That doesn't seem right) 

After talking to the receptionist (Who I later find out is actually Jamie, the manager!) about my adventure, I decide i'd better go to the hot springs. I'm not really in to that sort of thing, but I wanted to go because in one of the games i've always had on all my computers (Sally's Spa) you can open a spa in Banff. I thought I'd better visit 'my' spa. He recommends getting the bus there, which costs $2 each way. I get my swimming costume, a towel and make sure I have coins for the locker. I sit at the bus stop, which is right outside the hotel. The bus journey was ok, it got a little busy further in the high street (Or 'Downtown' as they'd say) 

At the hot springs I came across my first miserable Canadian. I THINK she was Canadian, she didn't say much. The cashier there was a young girl and the least enthusiastic person yet. But it was all good, I was quite happy with how cheap the hot springs seemed. I think it was $7 something entry. I went in to the changing rooms and wasn't sure how it worked. In England we whip our stuff off and put our swimming costume on. There weren't many people in there so I wasn't sure on the etiquette. I got changed quickly, grabbed my sunglasses and phone and went in to the springs. Dear God it was hot. It was only at this point, when the back of my thighs were stinging, that I realised I had some variation of rug burn. Because the bed at the hotel is so big and high, I have to slide my self over and off. Stung like a bastard at first. There was a sign that said it was 39 degrees in there, but it was much hotter in sunlight. The day was like full blown summer. The pool iself though, was reeeeally nice. I took a few pictures then went to put my phone away (Make sure you have spare $s because the locker doesn't give them back) and went back out to just sit. It was a lot nicer than I thought it was going to be. Because I was there at around 2pm it wasn't crazy busy like it was going to be in the evening.  

After spending some time in there my blood pressure was way up, heart pounding and I wished I brought water. I thought I'd better get out. Luckily there is a drinking fountain in the changing rooms. There were loads of people getting changed now so I was reassured that I wouldn't offend anyone. 

After I got changed (I did so slowly, so my body cooled down and I wasn't sweating in to my clothes) I went upstairs to the cafe here. There was a really nice Chinese lady at the till. On the menu was a few Grilled Cheese varieties, one of which said "Grilled Cheese (No veggies)" I thought hell yes please. I picked up a bottle of diet coke too, which always seems to be better over here. Maybe because they are allowed to use all sorts of weird artificial stuff. I went to sit down and she brought it over. Uh oh. It's brown bread. I TRIED. I took a big bite so at least if I really didn't like it there was a big bite gone so it looks like i was just not very hungry. I couldn't get it down, it was so gross the texture of the 'bits'. I felt a gag coming so I spat it in to my tissue. I had some coke and played some apps that didn't need wifi, thinking about how I didn't want to offend the sweet cashier lady. Eventually I decided to go, luckily there was an area where you could clean up yourself so I put it in the bin, put the basket and tray away and gave her back the ketchup packet I didn't use. She was fine :3 

I do love a basket

I got the bus back to the hotel, there was a new receptionist at the desk and I nodded and said hey. I got to the room to see housekeeping had barely done anything again. They put the bedsheets straight (But not the bottom sheet, which is the annoying part as it comes up when you turn over), took the bin and changed the towels. The room was DESPERATE for a hoover, it was so filthy. I've been here for ages now so there's a lot of crumbs fluff and extremely long hair. There were also no new toiletries yet again, no cups replaced, no new tissues in the bathroom, no spare toilet roll and the bath and sinks had not been cleaned. Cleaning the bath is not something I want to be doing when I get back, I want to get straight in :/

I went downstairs because I needed toiletries and toilet roll badly. The new woman on reception sounded Australian. She was a little surprised when I asked for a couple of the bath soaps, face soaps and a toilet roll. She went out the back and came out with one face soap and two of the round hand soaps (Which I used in my first bath and was SO dry) I explained that Jamie gave me a square soap for the bath and she didn't know what I meant. I was disappointed as I was low on that soap and wanted to have a spare for future too. I let her know that housekeeping hadn't done much in the room and things like hoovering were desperate, but I don't think it matters anyway because I'm planning on being in the room during the times housekeeping are around now, until I go. 

Saturday 30th Sept 
Today I have an evening safari, meeting on the high street at 5:30. Until then I don't want to do a lot. I pop out to the sweet shop and IGA to get starburst and chocolate milk. I had a wander around the shops to see if i could get one of those lumberjack shirts that are everywhere, but they're all thick tops or coats. I saw a perfect one at the helicopter place but it was $60 odd, I regret not buying it now though.  

The safari was pretty good. It was mostly the guide, Ronnie that made it good though as we didn't see much. I saw a sheep and some elk. Got a few good pictures though and it was nice to be driven around great views. 

Sunday 1st Oct
I'm really miserable this morning. Not just because I'm leaving such a nice place but because I have to go back to just being unhappy alone with mental health problems. I didn't leave these things behind, but at least I was alone and able to look at such nice mountains. I'm crying as I type this. I'm dreading so much. The drive back to the airport, whether the maps on my phone work and I go the right way. The rental car place, what happens with the scratches I made? Will it go smoothly? What about the money they've already taken? They quoted me $900 and something, but $1330ish came out of my bank!! They can't take the proper amount and then refund me that initial deposit because I simply don't have that amount of money in my account. What about the plane? Who will I be sitting next to, and will I be sick again? What about the taxi back? Where do I meet the taxi driver, what if the rental people take too much money again and there's not enough in my bank for the taxi back? (I emailed and asked and they said they will be in arrivals but I don't feel confident still) What about when I get home? Did i leave everything in order? Is Pooky ok? 

I had a bath and washed my hair, ordered Dominos which is due at half 4. I couldn't pay by card meaning i'll have to answer the door 😦

Dominos was so good though. I basically had cheese on toast.

Monday 2nd Oct 
As you can imagine, it was pretty stressful getting home. The weather was blizzardy, serious snow. I got the truck back fine, though there was one moment of skidding on the motorway but it was quite quiet so recovered fine. I got the truck back to the rental place and started to get upset because all the happiness was over now. No more pretty sights, just insurance stuff, paying, and a long flight home where i'll probably be sitting next to someone. 

I went for a wee and approached the counter, asking for a manager. I thought it's better to get their opinion on whether the truck needed dealing with at all. After confusion at the desk and apparently bringing the truck back to the wrong parking space (The lady that gave me the truck just said bring it back to that car park... Didn't tell me there were specific spaces. I put it in one that was owned by that company) she took me down to the car park where a manager was inside. Turns out this was the lady that replied to my email. She was polite but I didn't get good vibes from her. She tried explaining the process to me while the desk lady went to check the truck (Coming back seemingly describing it much worse than it was) but I didn't quite understand. I tried explaining that I cannot pay, that the insurance needs to go directly to them (Whereas sometimes YOU pay and then get it back from the insurance) but she didn't get it. Said that because I did it, I need to deal with it. Missing my point entirely. 

She was also asking me what I own, like houses and stuff. I was like mate I have nothing, describing my life. I was pissed off as it didn't sound like she was writing all the information down properly. She misspelled lots of things on the paperwork she gave me, like the email address of my insurance company, which I pointed out. She says she has it right on the system. There was no sense of urgency, making sure she has every detail correct as I wanted no further part of this except an email to say it's all finished. The typos concerned me. As well as them not understanding how it works. She said the truck gets sent to a place that assesses it, then it gets fixed at the garage, then a report is done up and it's emailed to the insurance and me. (Erm, the insurance company works on a proper claims basis not a simple email 'here pay this')
I'm finishing up this blog over a week later on the 10th October, and I STILL haven't heard anything. It's the company Enterprise. Not been impressed. 

I got to the airport far too early, as I thought car stuff would take hours. I was waiting around at 12:30 and my flight wasn't until 8:15. I couldn't even check in until 4 hours before the flight. I found some wifi and was messaging my mum and friends to pass the time. I found a nice bench to sit on. There was a Tim Hortons nearby so I went to see what they have, they have an "Artisans grilled cheese" which turned out to be brown bread so I just had a doughnut and cup of tea. It was alright. Like an 'It'll do'. 

I moped around a little bit (someone stole my bench seat when I went to get the doughnut) until it was time to check in. I got my boarding pass and put my ticket on my bag. I went over to the bag check and the person pointed me over to what looked like a self checkout. You scan your passport and it takes your bag. I was a little worried but I got my bag back at the other side so it was fine. 

Then through security. This time, I took several things out like my kindle, and only packed one phone power pack instead of three. My bag, coat, jumper went through fine but they stopped the bucket that had my laptop in. I had to wait for the previous woman to finish her check before they checked over my laptop. I didn't appreciate it being shaken, the lid is loose as it is. But hey, so long as they know it's not dangerous i suppose. 

As I walked on, a cleaning bloke stopped me and said he recognises me. I didn't recognise him, and I decided to go with "Are you a gamer?" Thinking if anything, he'd know me for being the Queen of the Plants. He said no. I did the fake 'conversation filler' chuckle and moved on. 

Then on to the international departure area. This was great. There were only three flights on the board so it was pretty quiet. I strolled around a lot looking in the shops and buying things. One place was a chocolate shop which I LOVED. I tried a chocolate orange leaf and asked for 30 more. She thought I said 13. Instead of correct her I just said afterwards I'll have another 10. 

I got random bits from the general shop, including some fluffy socks in that red lumberjack pattern. I didn't get a shirt like I wanted to, but at least I have it in socks. 

Westworld?

I didn't feel particularly awful by this point. The airport was so nice and chilled out that it helped my anxiety. I sat and read a rubbish magazine to wait until the flight. It was a little awkward because people were queueing for ages even though we're all getting on the same plane and called by zones 1 - 5. I was 3 so it felt like I was pushing in when I went to the front. Weirdos.

Just as we were getting on the flight there were a bunch of police asking everyone how much money they have on them. This seemed really personal so I was vague. I don't want someone trying to get in my bag if I doze off on the plane... I got to my seat eventually and kept my fingers crossed that i'd be sitting alone. I wasn't. Oh how I wasn't. I was sat next to a teenager. One that seemed to think my elbows and arms belonged to him. Christ almighty I wanted to give him a backhander. He was stroppy most of the time and wouldn't shut up talking loudly to his family and singing(!). I didn't get any sleep, he just kept nudging me. At the beginning I put my elbow towards the front of the armrest so that he could be more comfortable sitting normally. He decided he wanted the whole fucking thing. Ok I'll go to the back. Nope still a fidget arse. Fucking hell. eventually I kept as far away from the armrest as I could, thinking I'll probably get BO from my armpits being so squashed but I didn't care any more. This didn't stop him elbowing my sides and not apologising. One time I was finally starting to doze, resting my head on my opposite hand and he elbowed me so hard in my ribs it made me leap up. No sorry. Fuck you bro. I didn't get up once for the toilet during the 8 hour flight. And when the flight attendants went past I pretended to be sleepy so they ignored me. (A tactic learned from my childhood.)
Towards the end of the flight I asked for a cold cloth for my forehead as a distraction from feeling sick. She gave me some sickness tablets too, which I thought may have been a placebo but something helped. 
Arriving in Heathrow I felt a little queasy seeing the massive queue. Because I was at the back of the plane, I was the last person off. However that was the queue for international passports, nyah nyah. I went in to the queue that had zero people in and went straight through. It was a trek to get to the baggage area, took so long that the staff had taken all the bags off and left them on the floor for the next lot. I picked it up and went through the empty customs out to arrivals to look for my taxi. 

The taxi wasn't there but I was ok with that as I gave myself extra time in case the bags were delayed. After 30 mins though I was exhausted and sat on the floor, struggling to keep my eyes open. I had been awake for far too long. My flight got in at 12 and I eventually found him at 1:30 (It was a guy that had his head down the whole time playing on his phone) He had the cheek to charge me his £7 parking when he wasn't even looking for me or standing where the taxi people were holding up the name signs. I didn't tip him. 
I was dopey in the taxi and got home at around 3pm. I wanted food more than anything, it was one of the best tea 'n' toast ever. Oh and Canada was pretty good too.


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