I legally changed my name in early May 2018 after several years of considering it. I wanted something to reflect me and make me smile when I see/hear it. I went with Sunflower Van Winslow (Sunny for short).
I applied for a deed poll which was very simple. I ordered 10 extra legal copies so that I could send them to everyone that needed to see it and get things done quicker. After I paid I felt paranoid that this wasn't enough and added another 5 (The first extra was £12 and £1 for each after that)
It arrived within a few days, and required a witness signature. This needed to be someone that doesn't live with me, isn't related to me, and isn't in a relationship with me. I sent a text to the only person locally I knew who fit this role. They were up for it.
Later that day I was getting antsy as it was a Friday and I wanted the complete deed poll in the post to get everything done as soon as possible (It was going to take ages to finalise my passport and everything too). My text asking "When are you available, are you in now? x" Was left on 'read' for a few hours, making me more paranoid as I could see their car was there. I decided to send a second text later that day asking "Let me know if it's ok to pop over, Ideally I would like this in the post before they pick it up today x" feeling awful to have had to follow it up. This text was also left on read so I decided to go to my doctors, who was guaranteed to get it done but it just makes me really anxious being there at all.
I drove to the doctors with all my documents and handed the receptionist (Who looked like the 'no capes!' lady, really snobby) my deed, asking if there is anyone there that would be up for being my witness. She gawped at me then took the letter in the back room. She came back a minute later and said "I just asked my manager and she said no."
I was gobsmacked, this was like my last resort option as I have no friends in the area I live to be my witness. What I was asking was whether there were any human beings there willing to help me out, I couldn't understand why she asked her manager. That's like asking your manager if you're allowed to have a cup of tea when you get home. It's got nothing to do with them?
I was mid panic attack at this point. I wasn't prepared for rejection at all. My friend through messenger suggested to give it to them to give to my gp to sign but this wasn't an option either. She just reached the paper back, looked at me over her glasses snobbily and muttered "Can't help you, sorry." Yes you fucking can, you just won't. You could stand up and give the person struggling to breathe some water, talk her through it. There wasn't even a queue behind me.
I exited and stumbled across the street to the supermarket. There must be somebody? The first employee approached me and went through to the back to ask someone because he didn't really understand. Someone that looked like a manager came out to greet the red eyed, non breathing, nose running me, and I tried to get my words out as best as I could. We read through the papers and he pointed to a part that said "They must be known to you" explaining it needs to be someone that knows me personally. I wasn't told this when I bought the deed, it didn't specify the person had to know me personally. He wasn't able to help me with my paperwork but the employees there did help my anxiety. I was given water, a chair, and a chat that helped. The nice lady had to get back to work but helped me so much. People working in a supermarket helped someone having a panic attack more than a receptionist at the doctors. That shows you how broken the system is. Everyone at GP surgeries needs that training.
I went back to my car and burst into tears again. I had a box of tissues in there so was able to let it out. I got back home and decided to just knock on that neighbours door. The husband of the person I text answered, turns out she wasn't actually home and was probably really busy at work. He must have dropped her there which was why her car was there. He invited me in saying he might be able to help me.
He read through the paperwork, asked a few questions and signed it. I spotted he was left handed and joked "That won't void it, will it?" He said "No, but I might be burnt at the stake"
I took a photo of the deed, packaged it up and put it in the post.
Once home I got started on contacting some places that I thought wouldn't need to see the physical copy of the deed. My first success was the electoral roll, I sent them the photos of the deed and they updated it. A few days later they sent me confirmation of it, and I saw they had written it wrong, and had kept my old middle name in.
I let them know this is incorrect and they replied to say they've amended it, and sent me another form I needed to complete as my signature has changed. This proved tricky as it had tick boxes that weren't editable, DOB boxes that were an image and couldn't be typed in and I needed to create an electronic signature.
Facebook I thought would be easy. It turned out to be the worst of the lot. I sent them the photos of my deed poll and typed my new name. Previously I wasn't allowed to change my name, and they wouldn't allow 'Dani' instead of 'Daniella' despite everyone calling me Dani. In their list of suitable ID that I had to send them to confirm this new name, "name change paperwork" was there. The next day I had a reply saying this wasn't enough. Erm, yes it is? It says so in your small print. Not to mention there was only one person in the world with my old and new names so it wasn't someone elses paperwork.
During the following week I got the deed poll and legal copies back and could get started properly. In order to get my new passport, they needed either my driving licence or a bank statement as well as the deed. So I chose to do the banks first and print out a statement there.
This is where I ran into my next problem. I arrive at my 'main' bank late morning and it's relatively quiet. It took ages to be seen despite there only being one person in front of me. I was sat for about 30 minutes when I was at the front of the queue, I ran out of fidgety things to do (finger pressing, foot wobbling and phone twirling) and started to get a bit anxious. I was then seen by a very young slightly nervous bloke (Though that could just be as I'm seriously weird looking, blue hair, gold shoes and a cat backpack).
I went downstairs to print my statement and it was only later that day I noticed something was off. Either he had typed 'Van' as my middle name, or the banks computer system wasn't happy with a space being in my surname and changed it automatically. I logged in to online banking and it said "Hello Sunflower Winslow". I checked my statement and it said "Miss S V Winslow" which is incorrect. It said my full name on part of it, which is why I didn't notice this mistake while I was still at the bank.
Earlier in the day I was feeling some relief as I'd posted the 'big' documents (passport and driving licence) after this I was just pissed off that I needed to go back out again tomorrow to fix it. It might not even be fixable, I read an article online about someone having a problem with this particular bank and having a space in their surname.
My secondary bank was the best experience, I was seen to immediately by a really lovely lady. She showed me her screen the entire time without me even asking, so I had piece of mind everything was correct. She even walked me to the entrance to give me directions to the next bank. I walked out with paper evidence that it had been completed. I checked their online banking later that day to see it was all perfect.
I have a third bank account that I've never used, they used to be my secondary account until these contactless cards became a thing. I wasn't comfortable with this and they didn't allow an opt-out so I changed banks. I then felt sorry for this bank when they were sending me the 'sorry to see you go...' emails so I opened another one with the intention of putting an emergency tenner in it. I never got round to this, so this account was in the wrong name, with the wrong address, and I didn't know the pin for the card.
This third bank isn't as much of a big shot as the other two. The first ones they might offer you a drink, it's a lovely spacious building, and you're brought into the booths or rooms to complete this information. This one however, I had to stand at the desk at the front of the branch to complete the address and name change. It was like a car-boot sale vs the Harrods that was the other banks. The woman was awful. Her attitude was so rubbish the entire time.
When she was filling out the paperwork (Which I would have liked to do myself, thank you) her handwriting was atrocious so I'm expecting it to be incorrect. Her L's look like V's. In the previous name section she wrote Angela for my middle name. I squeaked "Oh my middle name was Angeline". She said "Well this is what we've got on the system!" I got out my passport and said "Angeline was my middle name not Angela." She said "Oh, i thought you said Danielle."
She scribbled over her error and muttered "I would have got that anyway when I checked it at the end..." Well alrighty roodle excuse me for not knowing you personally, I can only judge what I see and what I see is awful handwriting, a mistake and one stenchy attitude.
After this was done I had to go to the counter to close one of the accounts with this bank, I had a savings account with £0.34 in it, must have been my child account crossed over into an adult savings account. The lady at the main counter was nice. The bloke next to me knew the guy behind his counter and he was bragging about being some kind of pro fighter.
The morning after I got online at 7am to see what I could do about my main bank. I didn't want to go back as I was socially exhausted (when socially exhausted I get anxious really easily), and it costs £2.50 to park there for a hour. I try live chat, which their facebook suggested. They took about 20 minutes just to tell me they can't help and I need to go to the bank. I open facebook to see a reply and things looked a little more promising.
The lady asked me a few security questions and we then secured it by me logging in to my online banking and sending her a message through that too (so she knew my facebook was really me). She contacted the branch I went in to (Possibly to see their copy of my deed) and I made breakfast while waiting.
About a hour after I first started talking to her, I logged into my bank again to be greeted "Hello Miss Van Winslow"!
I sent her a message calling her a diamond and saying she should ask her boss for a raise. She had been so clear at communicating and thorough with everything. So happy not to have to change banks. Their card came through the following day with contactless, so I let them know I had already opted out of this. It took an extra day to get the correct card, but it still arrived quicker than the other banks.
A postman arrived one morning with a package for me that needed signing for. I stumbled when he asked for my surname. I said "Um, Van Winslow". He said "How do you spell it" to which I got flustered as I can't really spell. Well I can, it just takes me ages because I normally use phonetic spelling ("Ah, buh, cuh"). I said can't you just put "S"? Then a fly flew at my face so I dived out of the way, looking even more mental.
That day I sent Facebook a scan of the bank statement I printed, as further proof that i'm actively using my legal name. I get a reply the next day saying it's not enough. Furious at this point.
I changed several unimportant things like supermarket cards and email newsletters, and the following week I decided to try Facebook again. I sent them a scan of another bank account with my name. I get a (Always a generic copy paste massive paragraphs) reply a couple of days after saying it's rejected yet again, stating "It may be that your name doesn't meet our standards" Well fuck you then. I had that account for 11 years, grew up through it, with lots of memories and my personality on it.
I had no choice but to create a new profile. I let everyone know on my old Facebook and started to create it. I had to go through a decade of old liked pages and decide which ones I wanted on my new profile. Re-added most people. Applied for all my groups as well as transferring admin of the groups and pages I run. I noticed a lot of the people in the 'Add friends' list were people I previously had blocked, so I had to do a lot of hunting to make sure several people were still blocked. It was a little scary to view people's profiles who had such an effect on me previously.
After a couple of days of using the new profile, I felt comfortable. I didn't delete the old profile so I was able to swap back when people messaged the wrong one. Facebook eventually started sending weird notifications to the old profile like "this person updated a status" which I kept opting out of but it kept happening, so I put up a post telling people I would deactivate it soon, to hurry and add my new account. I put up a code word in a status so people would know that my new account was the real one.
About a week and a half after posting my passport and driving licence, I got my new licence! I was beaming when I opened the post. I was anxious about it as their paperwork asked for 'proof of identity', which at the moment I didn't have. My passport and driving licence were my ID, and birth certificate doesn't prove my new name. I sent a bank statement along with it, so this was enough proof. I was over the moon that this was done so quickly, and really happy with the DVLA.
Once I had my driving licence, I finally felt like me. It was legal once the deed poll was first signed, but getting ID back felt real. I was really happy with my name.
Netflix didn't have the option to change the name on my account (Profile, it does though) so I went on their live chat, where they then changed it straight away. Now TV was more annoying. They also didn't have a button to edit the name so I read in their help section which said to use their live chat to change any personal details. It was clear their first language wasn't english and went through strange questions (that shouldn't have been relevant) eg "so you got married and want to change your name?"
They ended by saying they were only able to edit the surname on my account, so I took it to social media and sent their facebook page a message. They replied a couple of hours later telling me to reconnect to another of their live chat agents. I did this and they said the same. I told them to remove my account in that case, I'd have to start from scratch opening a new account. I tried a couple more times and they took ages to reply to the first message so after squeezing the life out of the stress ball in my hand I went on my desktop pc so I could at least type better.
They refused to close the account, also saying "NO you cannot open a new account using the same email address" so I started talking bollocks, saying things like "Under GDPR law I have the right to have my details removed. Please let me know how I can do this." which is probably true, I just don't have anything proper to quote. They asked me to wait a minute then pasted a long legal reply, saying they need to keep my details for as long as legally required. When I asked how long, they said at least 7 years. My eyes widened. I knew to keep things like proof of transactions for 7 years, but that they have to keep all of my details for that long? That for the next 7 years they're going to keep sending junk post and emails because they're allowed to by law? He asked if I wanted to opt out of marketing emails. I already had done before...
Now it just means I can't watch Westworld while i'm in bed. A couple of days later I was pissed off to receive a "how was your customer service experience?" email, as my details weren't supposed to be on their system!
A month after I posted my driving licence and Passport off, I got a mildly alarming letter in the post from the passport office, saying "We still haven't had your response to our previous letter", safe to say I didn't get one. It was asking for further proof that i'm using my new name, and required a minimum of two documents from those listed. The only one of those I had was my new driving licence. I didn't want to send this off so scanned it, as well as several other documents they might accept like my bank statement, car insurance and electoral roll. I typed up a cover letter and listed everything that I was putting in the envelope with it, so they could triple check they were returning ALL my documents. I read the small print to see they do not accept photocopies, so with a knot in my stomach I put my new driving licence in with the documents and took the photocopy out. I added in the cover letter how anxious I was to have to send my actual driving licence instead of a copy. I sent these by special delivery in a hard backed envelope. It was signed for the next morning.
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| The cover letter sent with my documents |
My next problem came the following week when I collected the daily post and felt what was shaped like a passport in a flimsy a4 envelope. I eagerly opened it to discover it was my old one, with the corners cut off. All of my supporting documents were returned in this envelope, along with a note saying "The documents submitted in support of your application have been noted and are enclosed". There was just one problem... No driving licence.
I looked online to see whether people were saying theirs was usually returned separately. I couldn't find anything. I figured the corners being cut off my old passport meant it had been accepted, so maybe my licence gets returned with that? But it also says online that passports aren't sent 'signed for', they're just put through the letterbox. So it wouldn't make sense to send them both together and have the possibility of both forms of ID getting lost. I emailed the passport office and got a reply a few hours later saying my email has been passed on and they will reply within 3 working days.
Later that same day my new passport was put through the letterbox. No driving licence. I sent an email to the DVLA asking what to do, but theirs also said it'd be '3 working days or longer due to an increased volume of emails'. I was less worried about the £20 I would have to pay for a replacement licence, than people thinking there's something suspicious about me. I've had 4 or 5 new driving licences already because of address changes.
The following week the passport office replied and said they will contact the Peterborough office and ask them to return it. If i hadn't received it in 10 days to reply to them. SIGH! I also got a standard reply from the DVLA saying it will be £20 to replace it (That wasn't really what I was asking... I wanted to make sure the passport office were liable to pay it)
Late June I receive a letter from one of the two people that sent the letter asking for more documents saying "we do not retain documents here" and as you can imagine I was fuming. Someone had clearly not read my cover letter properly and threw away my driving licence in that hard backed envelope I sent everything in. I replied to the email that said to do so if I had not received it in 10 days first thing that morning, and was anxious to not have a reply that same day. I sent an email to a website that answers random law questions to make sure the passport office were meant to pay for the replacement. I knew straight away that these two people at the passport office were incompetent, by the way they had included in their 'asking for further documents' letters a section at the top telling me to affix this to the envelope. The section with the return address, reference numbers and their names. This was supposed to be printed on one of those sticky sheets like when you get returns labels on some receipts when ordering online. But they printed it on a regular piece of paper so I had to spend a couple of minutes cutting and lining up scotch tape to cover every part of it, then attaching it to my envelope. By the evening I decided to just buy my new licence now and send them the receipt when they eventually reply to that email, as it'll take a week or two for me to even get it and I want it now. Well I want it three weeks ago.
The reply from the passport office came a couple of days later, saying they will ask the Peterborough office to look for it again. They also gave me another email to contact if it's still unsuccessful. My replacement licence arrived the morning after, so I put together an email to the new one explaining everything and that I was given this contact for the reimbursement. I spent about 10 minutes typing it up properly and attaching relevant pictures. My time is worth more than £20, and It feels like the word "email" has lost all meaning now. An automatic reply came almost instantly with information about their 'complaints procedure' and that it'll take 10 working days to reply. Sigh.
15 days (11 working days...) later, a reply from the passport office came stating despite a thorough search they cannot find it (I know! You threw it away!), and "have no evidence of having it" Reading this felt like my stomach acid had the equivalent of a bath bomb in it. I was frowning so hard at the screen as though the harder I frowned the more the person that couldn't see me frowning would suffer.
The attention to detail from the passport office has been appalling. Even in this final email it says "Thank you for your email of 29 June", when my email went through on the 26th. They don't read my cover letter I sent with my licence and documents. They failed to notice I had sent everything next day special delivery, signature required which cost me around 7 quid. Why would I do that unless one of the documents in there was important?! Everything else was basic photocopies. I had to pay for my first driving licence and then again for this one, not to mention extra time waiting and the stress it's caused. So it boiled my blood to read the "gesture of goodwill" £20 (For which they say I could wait another three weeks to arrive!) with the email implying I hadn't sent it to begin with. I remember standing in line at the post office feeling the outline of my licence through the envelope (The envelope I even brown taped shut out of paranoia!)
Buying 10 extra legal copies of the deed poll turned out to be much more than needed. Most things I sent just a photocopy or was able to email a scan of the deed. I only had two out of my possession at any one time. The people at the deed poll office said 5 extra copies is the average people buy, and this sounds about right.
Another thing worth noting is that there are lots of 'unimportant' things that will make it more difficult than you may expect to change your name. For example my World of Warcraft account, there isn't a button to edit your actual name so you have to create a support ticket, for them to then ask you to send ID. I decided not to bother with a lot of my accounts, and others I just asked to be closed (Like my Argos account).
Of this whole experience - with all the logistical problems there's been - one of the most annoying parts has been the number of times I've been asked "Why did you change it?" because there isn't a non awkward way to say "...Because I wanted to?" It got so tedious answering this question. Why do people think I changed it? I'm not having a sex change (If I were, THAT would be the big news not the name change), I haven't fallen out with anyone or got a divorce. I certainly haven't got married. There isn't a famous paedophile rapist called Dani Grego that I didn't want to be confused with. I just want to be me. Why is it so difficult for people to grasp wanting to choose your own identity? We change the way we look, our jobs and our relationships, why not our name? Something so easily reversible.
It's really refreshing to introduce myself as Sunny. Once the novelty of having a new name wore off, it simply felt like the right decision.
